Big 10 Network Sold

by Jim "Chrissie" Everett
Earlier today, Johnny “Red” Walker, a local moonshine and media mogul in Boone, North Carolina, purchased the Big 10 Network for a case of corn whiskey and a pack of unfiltered Marlboros. Jim Delaney issued a prepared statement “I was disappointed that Bowling Green defeated Minnesota Saturday, and horrified to watch the Appalachian State – Michigan Game. I realized late Saturday game that the network’s value had peaked and was time to sell. We miss Glen Mason.“

Walker, who also owns the Ethanol Network that is aired on public access channel 14 in several counties in western North Carolina, intends to scrap his original programming and put the Appalachian State victory over the Wolverines on a nonstop loop throughout the country. Time Warner Cable officials are reportedly in Boone as of this report negotiating with Walker to add the new network to their basic cable package.