Friday, July 9, 2010

USC Apologizes to Oklahoma

While USC Athletic Director was busy apologizing to several universities earlier this week, he took some time out to address the 2005 Orange Bowl.

Dear Sooner fans, we’re sorry we kicked you’re ass in Miami a few years back. Our actions that evening were premature and severe. Had we known that a) your football team was going to turn the ball over four times in twelve minutes of action, b) that you would try to cover Steve Smith with Lance Mitchell in goal line situations; c) that our middle linebacker had your playbook memorized, and d) that Mark Bradley would field a bouncing punt in the shadow of his own goal, we would have eased up on your no show butts. We sincerely apologize for the severity of our actions, and now consider this matter closed.

Mike Garrett*

*actual statements may vary

Preview at College Football Zealots

Earlier this summer I had the pleasure of writing a Sooner preview for the gang at College Football Zealots. Check it out here. Kevin, thanks for letting me participate.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Lebron to Play QB for Longhorns

By Austin/Cleveland insider Chris Mihm

Cleveland (LTP) - In an exclusive interview with someone claiming to be in the inner circle of LeBron James, Landthieves has learned that the sought after free agent will forego his lucrative basketball career to pursue a football career with the Texas Longhorns.

According to the unnamed source, "Lebron saw during the Big 12 shakedown how powerful the Longhorns were. Everyone wants to suck on the ample teats of the Texas Longhorns Football Program. Plus, they have a rich tradition of professional football players. People like Mike Williams, Roy Williams and Ricky Williams. He wants to do for the James surname what those gentleman have done for the Williams surname. This can do nothing but expand LeBron's global brand."

LeBron is looking to expand his reach into football, cycling and movies with this decision. According to multiple sources, representatives from LeBron's circle have already started discussions with Matthew McConaughey's movie production company where LeBron will play the lead role in a biopic of Austin resident Lance Armstrong. Movie insiders believe the film is titled, "One Ball is enough for Me". Filming is to start immediately.

LeBron - who will walk on and play quarterback for the Horns - would miss the voluntary workouts this summer, but many believe he will easily transition from the simple offensive sets of Mike Brown to the simple offensive sets of Greg Davis.

Mack Brown could not be reached for comment, as he was busy preparing for LeBron's arrival in Austin later this week. In other words, he was searching for the ipod that Vince Young gave him.