Monday, April 28, 2008

Another Startling Revelation about Roger Clemens

Clemens fans around the world were shocked twice today. First, news hit the mainstream media that Clemens may have had a relationship with Country and Western artist Mindy McCready for a 10 year period, starting when Ms. McReady was 15.

We here at LandThieves found another startling tidbit of information as we scoured the internets today. Scouring SI Vault, we established that Edwin Simmons was caught in the early morning hours of Sept 27 at a home in West Austin. According to baseball-referencecom, Clemens pitched in a nine-inning loss to the Blue Jays on Sep 26.

In a LandThieves exclusive*, Simmons now recalls the REST OF THE STORY..."Roger and I met in the fall of 1982 on a recruiting trip. He was on the baseball team and was BMOC. I'll never forget meeting him. He was wearing a .38 Special "Wild Eyed Southern Boys" 3/4 length sleeve concert t-shirt and a pair of baby blue Ocean Pacific shorts. He was so handsome. It was an instant connection. He was supposed to give me a tour of the athletic dormitory, but he took me to places that night I'd never been before."

"On that fateful night in Sep 1986, Roger called me from the locker room in Toronto. He was so distraught. He'd lost for the first time in a month. The Sox gave him no run support that night. We arranged to rendezvous in West Austin. I was so excited, and my head still hurt from all that learnin' I'd done over the summer, and I just smoked a little weed to relax. Next thing you know, I'm lost on the west side of Austin and can't remember where Roger and I were supposed to hook up. I guess I picked the wrong one.

"Everyone made such a big deal about me being stoned and naked trying to break into someone's home. I just couldn't betray Roger's trust and tell the whole story then. He was on such a roll professionally. This secret has been burning inside of me ever since. Now that Roger's personal and professional reputation is pretty much screwed at this point, I figure telling my side of the story won't hurt anymore. I feel so free."

When asked about the story by this reporter, Clemens denied the story. "That's preposterous. I didn't like that album. Musically, I thought the band peaked on 'Rockin into the Night'."

*exclusively made up.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Random Mavericks Post

Following is the W-L record Jason Kidd's teams in the NBA playoffs: 52-55. In the 01-02 season and 02-03 seasons, the Nets went 25-15 in going to the NBA finals twice. Outside of those two instances, Kidd is 27-40 in the second season. He's not exactly shown folks how to get to the promised land.

Random Draft Thought for the Day

One of my less-pleasing experiences was watching the 2005 Orange Bowl, where the Men of Troy opened up a full refrigerator of whoop-*** on my Sooners. A friend called me up at halftime of that game pretending to be a fund raiser for SC, offering to call off the dogs if I'd donate to SC. It was such a butt kicking I actually though the call was funny.
Today, I spent a few minutes doing some research of drafts of players from each school. My research is imprecise, because I didn't track each of these kids back to the OB roster, but here's the NFL draft for OU and USC since:

Round 1 Picks - USC 8, OU 4
Round 2 Picks - USC 11, OU 6
Round 3 Picks - USC 2, OU 5
Round 4 Picks - 1 each
Round 5 Picks - USC 4, OU 3
Round 6 Picks - USC 1, OU 2
Round 7 Picks - USC 2, OU 2
Total picks - USC 31, OU 23

I'm not sayin' the 8 pick difference would lead to a 36 point margin of victory - let's not forget the Sooners made a valiant comeback in the 4th quarter to close the gap - but I think we could say the Trojans were more talented.

Now back to work.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Pope Meets w ND Abuse Victims

This is a genius post from the gang at Sunday Morning QB. Be warned, there is some salty language involved. If you despise Notre Dame like any good Protestant or Sooner should (two reasons for me), you will get a kick out of this.

For you non-Sooner fans out there. OU's 47 game game winning streak was stopped by Notre Dame, and the two losses preceding the 47 game streak were to ND. Furthermore, we have not beaten the FishEaters in the last six attempts, with our last victory being in the midst of the streak, in 1956.

Plus, they are the only school Lou Holtz coached in college that didn't land on probation after he left. See Arkansas, Minnesota, South Carolina. Basically, he's Kelvin Sampson with a lisp and a much more dynamic personality - as well as a contract with ESPN.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

LandThieves NFL Draft Preview

This draft preview is a value pick with lots of upside. We hear at LT play the game the right way, with good closing speed. We've got a good motor, and we're play faster than we are.

The whole predraft drama / trade rumor / player evaluation shtick is the athletic version of a dadgum soap opera. This team likes this player, that player wants to see other people, the team's gonna trade down, this team's going to trade up, this player has "character issues", this kid has no character issues, but only runs a 4.6. It's like "she's not that cute, but has a GREAT personality". Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not.

The only interest I have in the draft is if the Sooners will keep their short-lived streak alive of first round draft picks. Malcolm Kelly fell from an alleged top10 pick to a mid round pick, now he's working his way up the charts by...doing nothing.

The fasciation with 40 times and other things is amazing. A player dominates the game for two years, and in 30 minutes in April his value goes kaput. I don't get it. Another player that underperforms in 40 games over a 4 year period but has a good shuttle time and a nice bench press skyrockets up the boards.

The Jeff Ireland "gaffe" where he leaked to the press that the Dolphis were going defense is classic misinformation. Media types all over the country were shouting about how stupid he was to slip up. Others suspected a ruse. I think Parcells was off in another room laughing his butt off.

Okay, there's my rant. If you like the draft, more power to you. I'll be at the Nelson, sweating profusely.

Hope for Baylor Fans

Earlier this week, we here at LandTheives unearthed this photo of ESPN internet sensation Erin Andrews doing her version of the Sic Em Bears cheer. So what if she's using the wrong hand.
This is just another example of the Baylor Bear program is getting national attention.
LandThieves contacted Ms. Andrews to see if she would elaborate on how she became familiar with the Sic Em Bears cheer. Erin seemed very personable as she said, "Who? What?", then she hung up.
Brent Musberger then called me back and threatened to beat me with the bags under his eyes.

Monday, April 21, 2008

No Buffaloes were harmed

No buffaloes were harmed in the filming of this video. Five minutes of extensive searching on various sites in Colorado indicate that - well, wait a minute, no one mentions whether the handler was hurt when HE GOT FREAKING RUN OVER BY A BUFFALO.

A&M has a dog that's been run over as a mascot. Colorado has a mascot that runs over humans. Somehow, burying dogs outside a football stadium makes more sense now than it did yesterday.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Spring Game Traditions

Many folks caught wind of the spring tradition at UCLA of skipping practices. We here at landthieves have identified some other spring practice or game traditions:
  • Ohio State – engineering and math students are kidnapped, dressed up in Florida Gators uniforms and Ohio State defenders are allowed to run down and tackle the Gators from behind.
  • Georgia Tech – quarterbacks are allowed one downfield pass to a split end.
  • Notre Dame – the offensive tackle briefly sustains a block on a pass play, allowing the QB to release the ball just before being slammed to the ground by the weak side linebacker.
  • Texas – every time the defense holds the offense to three and out, the defenders get one more digit of their Travis County inmate number tattooed on their bicep.
  • Florida – in what’s become a rite of passage in Gainesville, the running backs get a few carries before returning to the bench to rest up for next spring.
  • Oklahoma State – cheerleaders are allowed on the field after the spring game to eat grass.

Sooner Spring Game Limerick

The wind blew everyone's hair
Erin Andrews was not there
A bunch o' scrubs played
In spring, stars are not made
Frankly, I just do not care.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Enquiring Minds Want to Know

Here at LandThieves, our #1 non-Sooner player is Baylor senior John David Weed. Today, we decided to do a little research to see how the Weed is faring this spring. I was hoping he was blossoming into a starter.

A perusal of the WacoTrib site indicates John David Weed is playing receiver. Or he would be, but has a broken hand. A review of the Baylor roster on the web site indicates JDW is playing two different positions; IR per the alphabetical sort and QB per the numerical roster. Frankly, I know what IR is in pro football, in Art Briles schemes, IR could mean Injured Reserve, Inside Receiver, if I Retire you can play. I did find out today that to develop weed, they develop stronger outside. I'm sure that's the reason JDW was moved out from under center. Here at LandThieves, we'll keep you posted.

LandThieves also noted that Coppell great Tyler Deloach is listed in two different positions as well, once as QB, once as a WR.

With Briles devising plays, he might just put 5 QB/WRs on the field at once, and rotate them at all positions. The double reverse pass could become commonplace in the Big 12 South.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Deep Thoughts

  • Andy Katz has a preseason ranking with the Sooners coming in at #16. The Horns are rated 1 in his ranking, and the Aggies and Bears were considered and passed over.
  • I found this by trying to find information on the Boone State mens' hoops coaching search. I found no information on any free sites. There appears to be some discussion about Jamie Dixon, TCU alum and Pitt's present head coach. IMO, this would be a lateral move at best for Dixon. Pitt has made the tourney the all 5 years Dixon has been at the helm, and is in an equivalent hoops conference, the Big East. We'll see what happens. Per my exhaustive research at, here are the D1 jobs still open; Alcorn State; Loyola Marymount, Marist, Boone State, Providence, Stanford.
  • It appears Malcolm Kelly and the Sooner football staff have kissed and made up in some capacity. Sarcasm aside, I thought it was a godo move on both parts. Kelly publicly apologized, and the staff is opening up Kelly's desired facility to run later this week.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Non Bill Self Postings

  • Former Sooner coach Chuck Long, now HC for the San Diego State (motto: Marshall Faulk played here. A long time ago.) Aztecs, is being accused of excessive workouts. The message boards doubt the accusations, or at a minimum, the effectiveness of said workouts.
  • Blake Griffin is sticking around Norman for another year. No truth to the rumor that Rhett Bomar's old job at the car dearlership is still open and Blake is hoping to cash in on the Miracle Mile of cars this summer.
  • Malcolm Kelly was less than enthused about the environment around his workout yesterday and voiced several frustrations with the situation. Overall, IMO, it doesn't look good for either side...Kelly seems kinda whiny and the Sooners come across as being quite passive-agressive in potentially knocking a former standout player down a few slots in the draft. Personally, I think teams that pass on Kelly will be missing a sure handed receiver. If you look at the tapes, he catches ANYTHING that comes his way. Once he's fully recovered from the thigh injury, I don't think the speed will be an issue either. He's not Randy Moss, but I don't think he's Mike Williams either.

A Limerick by T Boone Pickens

Coach Self turned down forty million
Seems Stillwater has no cotillion
He'll stay in Lawrence
For more than six pence
How many is a brazillion?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I'm a Man!

This will be our 400th time-wasting post here at LandThieves. Couldn't think of a good limerick for Phog U coach Bill Self this evening, so we'll go with a motivational poster.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Self Photographed in Stillwater

Rumors abound about Phog U Head Coach Bill Self being heavily courted by Boone State. Members of the LandThieves Press Association unearthed this photo of Bill Self playing in the water fountains outside the Cimarron Casino in Perkins, Oklahoma.

Self, still in quite the "celebratory" mood after a post-national championship bender in San Antonio, told a patron right before he jumped in that he was going to "make it rain" in Stillwater, but didn't want to waste T Boone's cash on the women at Dragon Lair Gentleman's club. The other person in the photo, obscured by Bill's splashes, is believed to be Oklahoma State Athletic Director Mike Holder.
Self continues to contend he just wants security from Kansas. Apparently he's not talking about floaties.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

Congrats to the Phog U Jayhawks for the Big W last night. It was looking pretty bad with a couple o' minutes left, but courtesy of a some clutch 3 point shooting, and a couple of free throws, they forced OT.

I got a kick out of seeing Roy with a Jayhawk shirt on. I thought it was a classy move.

Now, we just have to see if Bill Self takes the well paid demotion to Oklahoma State. So far, I have to tip my hat to Self for how he's handled it. He has not set himself up for the "I'm never gong there". He has just said, "I recommend they go in a different direction."

In the pecking order of college hoops things, Lawrence to Stillwater would definitely be a step down. However, generally, those schools with steep traditions also have deep pockets for coaches, facilities, and dare I say it - players. With the money T Boone Pickens is throwing into Boone State, factor in that Self graduated from Boone State with significantly worse facilities, and those two things could outweigh the tradition that Kansas has.

I even read a blurb on that Self might "sell out" to Oklahoma State. If he goes, he's going back to his alma mater. No matter what the price, let's not call someone a sellout for going to work for a place he got his degree. Even if it is for big bucks.

Jiminy Christmas. In the past month I've campaigned for a K State player and defended an Oklahoma State grad.

I'm ready for football season.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Thoughts on tonight's games

Memphis - UCLA
Holy cow. Memphis is REALLY good. Rose and CDR are dominant guards. They are tall - they would also be long if they were laying on the floor, but most of the time they are upright, and as a result tall. Please make a note. They are quick. They have decided to make free throws. Dorsey is a great eraser in the middle. They are quick and attack defensively, so someone's always helping when they do make mistakes.

I got really tired of Billy Packer harping on UCLA not getting the ball inside to Kevin Love. He was NEVER open. The reason he wasn't getting the ball was Memphis played great D. During one of these tirades, Chris Douglas-Roberts drove down the baseline and just posterized him.

Another point CONSTANTLY mentioned was the three thirty win seasons by Ben Howland. Which has been done three times, by Adolph Rupp, Calipari and Howland. I decided to see how close Wooden came to that mark. He coached 31 games three times, and that was the most. Memphis will play it's 40th game Monday night.

Kansas - UNC
The Jayhawks played unbelievably well the first 15 minutes, outscoring the Tarheels 40-12. In the next 14 minutes, they were outscored 38-14 to play a 28 point lead down to 4 points. Kansas completely disrespected Tyler Hansbrough, and scored at will inside. Hansbrough is not a shot blocker, and seemed helpless to help on the interior. I hadn't really set and watched Hansbrough for an entire game. I think he will be very successful in a European league.

For the 'consensus National Player of the Year', the line was 17 pts, 9 rebs, 1 assist. To go back to a previous post, Beasley, with a lot less talent around him, went for 39 pts, 11 rebs, 3 blocked shots in a loss at Lawrence, and 25 pts, 6 boards, 2 assists and 1 block in a win over Kansas in Manhattan. On Saturday night, Hansbrough played like the 3rd best oversized Caucasian on the floor, behind Cole Aldrich and Sasha Kaun. Cole Aldrich - who the !#@$!@$ is Cole Aldrich? - blocked 4 shots in 16 minutes. Hansbrough blocked 3 shots cumulatively in the last eight games comprising the ACC and NCAA tournaments.

Thoughts on the Final
Memphis, to me, is playing better. Kansas has more depth. Memphis seems to be tougher. I think it will be a entertaining game. I don't think Kansas has the guards overall to match up with Derrick Rose and CDR. I think it will be an entertaining game, and I can't wait to watch it. Bobby Knight made the point that Kansas played well the first 15 minutes; Memphis has been playing like that the last three games for 40 minutes.

Friday, April 4, 2008

More Boone State Coverage

Pistols Firing was feeling poetic today. Click here for the limericks covering the weeks activities.

BugEater Jokes

With all appropriate apologies to my Husker friends, I have a neighbor who is a Husker and is quite a nuisance. He's easily the least favorite of the Huskers I know. So, today we are posting Husker jokes.

  • What's the difference between a Cornhusker and a Dollar Bill? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
  • You know how second string QBs can usually be found wearing a cap instead of a helmet? In Lincoln, that honor is reserved for the punt returner.
  • What do Nebraska Cornhuskers and possums (opossums if you ask my S-M-I-L) have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  • Did you hear about the Nebraska D-lineman who stole a police car? He saw 911 on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
  • What is the difference between a BugEater cheerleader and a catfish? One has whiskers and smells and the other is a fish.
  • A little boy and his mother were walking in a cemetery in Lincoln when they came upon a headstone that read, "Here lies a Nebraska graduate and an honest man." The boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people?"
  • A Husker fan called the hospital saying "My wife is having a baby, what should I do?" The nurse asked, "Is this her first baby?". The Husker replied, "No, this is her husband."
  • What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Cornhusker? Six more weeks of bad basketball.
  • How many Huskers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three hours of credit for it.
  • Why doesn't the Nebraska football team have it's own web page? Because they can't put three Ws together.
  • What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Husker? A tattoo.
  • A young ventriloquist is touring Nebraska and stops in Lincoln to do a few shoes. He's going his usual stupid farmer jokes when a Husker running back stands up and says, "I've heard just about enough of your smart aleck farmer jokes. We ain't all stupid here in Nebraska. " Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The Husker interrupts, "You stay out of this, fella. This between me and the little guy on your knee
  • A Nebraska grad is invited to the wedding of a college friend. He and his son travel to Omaha for the big occasion. After eating a few chips at the reception, the man sends his son for something to drink. The boy comes back empty handed. "I couldn't get any this time, someone was sitting on the well."

Thanks, I feel better. Be sure and tip your wait staff. I'll be here all week. If you have others you'd like to add, put 'em i nthe comments or email me at landthieves - at - gmail . com

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Thoughts on Sutton while not fighting insomnia

In reviewing college hoops blogs Rush the Court, Storming the Floor and Thirty Five Seconds, their posts yesterday and today consisted of Final Four previews, Tom Crean's hire at Indiana, April Fools jokes, and rumors of Travis Ford going to LSU. There was ALMOST NO MENTION OF THE OKLAHOMA STATE JOB AT ALL. The only mention was a post combining Self's brief courtship by Okie State while firing Sutton, and Roy William's departure five years ago from KU to UNC within a week of losing the national championship game.

It confirms, in my opinion, that the Okie State job just isn't one capturing national hoops conscience at all. In Fort Worth, Mike Jones of the Startlegram takes Oklahoma State to task for the early departure. John Rohde in the Daily Oklahoman talks about how Holder may have difficult filling the bill due to his limited connections and his personality.

Admittedly, T Boone's money may be able to offset some of these shortcomings.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A Comparison of Coaches

Both coaches played D1 ball at nationally known universities. Both coaches have dads who are long time, well respected coaches.

Coach A
2 yr Big 12 Conference record of 13-19
Overall record of 39-29
Big 12 postseason record 3-2

Coach B
2 yr Big 12 Conference record of 15-17
Overall record of 39-27
Big 12 postseason record 2-2

Coach A agreed to resign on Tuesday, after Boone State agreed to pay him like he was still working there.
Coach B agreed to a $300,000/yr raise and a contract extension last week.

I wasn't terribly impressed with Sutton, but two years seems like a really short time. I think when you get in a situation of a bad hire, there's no good way out. Clearly T Boone felt like it wasn't going to get better. Or maybe he caught Sean using his golf clubs.

Conversely, this whole head coach designate thing is a crock.Didn't work well at DePaul in the 80s. Didn't appear to be headed the right direction at Okie State. Still up in the air in Lubbock. Arizona canned their head coach in waiting today. Has it worked anywhere that anyone can think of?

The attention will now turn to who the next coach will be. That will be interesting. Sutton was coming off of a huge scandal at Kentucky with admitted alcohol abuse during his tenure there, and one year later was coaching at Oklahoma State. It's not like they hired Coach K away from Duke. At the time, Sutton was closer to Kelvin Sampson present status (embarrassed out of a job) than hot coaching commodity.

So, where will they go? Bill Self is not accepting a demotion to coach at his alma mater. Fairly good bet Scott Sutton won't leave ORU to go work for the school that fired his brother (thought that would create some interesting family dynamics). I don't think Roy Williams is looking to come back to the Big 12. Kelvin Sampson is fairly radioactive at this point.

Oklahoma State is a school with a very solid history the past 20 years. Dare i say it, but for the past 15 years, their program has had much more success than the Sooners. IMO, in D-1 college hoops, you don't go get an assistant at a big school (see Horned Frogs, TCU), you go one of two routes 1) experienced coach looking to get 'back in the game' or 2) get a up and coming guy from a smaller D1 school. I'd recommend 2. You could call upon Sean Miller at Xavier, but apparently it's a steep asking price. Go call the dude coaching Winthrop, or Belmont. Call Jeff Jones at American. Or the dude that succeeded Capel at VCU. Call George Mason's coach. Call Davidon's coach. Call the chap that led UT Arlington to a bid for the first time in 40 years. If you want their names, go to a real site. It's late. I'm puting far too much time into a rivals problems.