Friday, September 14, 2007

Big 10 Network Games Preview

Dave Revsine: Here at the Big 10 Network, we wanted to take a few minutes to highlight this weekends games on the Big 10 Network. For this special feature, we’ve asked Miss Cleo to bring back from the dead former Big 10 coaches Bo Schembechler and Woody Hayes.

Miss Cleo, do the honors…

Dave: Coach Hayes, thanks for coming back to join us.
Woody: Sure, what’s this all about?
Dave: well, we wanted to ask for your insights on the upcoming games on the Big 10 Network later this weekend. First off we’ve got Citadel at Wisconsin.
Woody: You’ve got to be kidding me. You pulled me out of the afterworld for this? I have absolutely no interest in this game. Didn’t even know Citadel had a football team.

Dave: Well, let’s move on to Coach Schembechler and the next game. Coach, welcome to the Big 10 Network Preview Show.
Bo: Thanks. Glad to be here. I think the keys to the Notre Dame – Michigan game are –
Dave: Sorry to interrupt coach, but actually that’s on another network. We were hoping to get your expert perspective on Akron at Indiana, here on the Big 10 Network!
Bo: Well, I think Gerry Faust is a fine coach and he just got a raw deal over there at Notre Dame. I th—
Dave: Coach Bo, Faust hasn’t been coaching at Akron for quite some time.
Bo: Really? Who are they playing again?
Dave: Perhaps we should just go to the next game. The Buffalo Bulls travel to Happy Valley to take on the Joe Paterno’s Nittany Lions. Coach Bo, your thoughts on this game.
Bo: Don’t you mean Buffalo Bills? And if so, why would they be playing a college team? Are they that bad now, or is Penn State that good?
Dave: Actually, Buffalo University has a 1-A football program.
Bo: Well, I’ll be darned. I didn’t know that.

Dave: Coach Hayes, our showcase game on Saturday evening is Duke at Northwestern. Can you give us some insight on that battle?
Woody: Well, that sounds like it might be a good matchup if you’re playing chess or Scrabble, or perhaps a Sudoku tournament. But football Duke-Northwestern in football? I think I’d rather watch bull riding on Versus.
Dave: Coach Hayes – that’s on another network.
Woody: Oh. Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Dave: Well, gents, thanks for your time. Coach Hayes, if you don’t mind can I ask you what heaven is like?
Woody: Don’t know. Next question.
Dave: Really? What’s hell like?

Woody: The only sports channel Lucifer let’s us watch is The Big 10 Network.

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