by Shea Morenz, Austin bureau chief
Austin, TX (LTP) - The University of Texas announced a new program to give scholarships to designated drivers for the Longhorn football team. A couple of years ago, UT disbanded the Texas Angels, a group of hostesses at the university. Today, the school announced the antithesis of the Texas Angels, a new group of scholar-athletes aptly named the Dell Customer Service Center.
The Dell Customer Service Center team members are already noted around the globe for their limited English skills, irregular hygiene, poor socialization and inability to attract the opposite sex. DeLoss Dodds said, "Michael Dell came to us with this idea. He really wanted to help with the football program, and he felt like this program would be a great way to help the city, as well as get the players home safely from parties."
The group will be equipped with the latest in bluetooth technology, burnt orange bowties and NoDoz so that the can answer customer service calls while driving the Longhorns to and from Austin area parties. Dodds added, "This should keep the players from obtaining further DUIs, and we are hopeful that the drivers, who will be with the players around the clock, will deter other criminal activity through the pervasive threat of the availability of the Dell agents to be witnesses to further crimes."
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