By Bernie Kerik, special contributor to LandThieves
Coppell, TX (LTP) - LandThieves lowered the Longhorn Criminal Alert to level Edwin Simmons today. Experts expected the level to be reduced to Matthew McConaughey, but a prepared statement was released, explaining, "We considered several factors in this evaluation, including quality of opponent. Arkansas State has never recovered from Larry Lacewell's departure. We will reassess as the TCU game approaches next week, but for now citizens should remain alert and watch out for partially clothed Longhorns under the influence of various substances."
For further information on the Longhorn Criminal Alert System, please see the initial announcement.
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