Wednesday, October 15, 2008

44 Texas Voters identified

Last week, 44 coaches voted to leapfrog Texas over the Crimson Tide of Alabama. I smelled a conspiracy, and did a little research. Following are real and imagined events that may have led 44 voters to pick the Horns over the Tide and Penn State this week.

  1. Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech; Still feels bad about Ron Weaver scandal effecting Horns Sugar Bowl performance.
  2. Mike Bellotti, Oregon; West coast Bias. Never even played an SEC team, how could he vote for one?
  3. Bret Bielema, Wisconsin; Part of Big XII voting bloc...Stoops raiding of KSU staff allowed Bielema out of Iowa City, saving him from possible sexual assault by his own players.
  4. Bobby Bowden, Florida State; Thinks he's coaching Texas.
  5. Tommy Bowden, Clemson; Applying for graduate teaching position in Austin.
  6. Art Briles, Baylor; Son played for Texas.
  7. Mack Brown, Texas; Still coaches at Texas.
  8. Neil Callaway, Alabama-Birmingham; Tide traitor who coached 12 years at Auburn.
  9. Gene Chizik, Iowa State; former D Coordinator in Austin. Wished he was still at Texas.
  10. Sylvester Croom, Mississippi State; Bitter about having to coach at Starkville; could have been fired from Tuscaloosa and retired by now.
  11. Mark Dantonio, Michigan State; Hurt Saban left him in East Lansing. Wouldn't you be?
  12. Butch Davis, North Carolina; Clearly has issues with Bama; turned down job in Tuscaloosa to work in Cleveland of all places. From what I understand, it's in Ohio.
  13. Todd Dodge, North Texas; Played QB at Texas.
  14. Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee; Once got food poisoning at Dreamland; big fan of the original Chuy's. Plus there's that lawsuit thing.
  15. Turner Gill, Buffalo; Grew up in Texas.
  16. Todd Graham, Tulsa; Joined Houston chapter of Texas Exes during his one year at Rice.
  17. Pat Hill, Fresno State; Fight over last piece of chicken at Cleveland Browns coaches dinner in 1992 still haunts Hill.
  18. Steve Kragthorpe, Louisville; Part of Big XII voting bloc - former Cash Machine U coordinator that was fond of orange.
  19. Mike Leach, Texas Tech; Part of Big XII voting bloc.
  20. Jim Leavitt, South Florida; Was assistant at K-State; also part of Big 12 voting bloc.
  21. Urban Meyer, Florida; Emmanuel Moody asked him to vote for Texas.
  22. Les Miles, LSU; Promised to vote Bama #1 when Saban wins with his own players.
  23. Hal Mumme, New Mexico State; Grew up in Texas.
  24. Rick Neuheisel, UCLA; Bitter towards Bama...Mark Gottfried completely wrecked his NCAA tourney pool one year.
  25. George O'Leary, Central Florida; Resume says he was once UT-Austin President.
  26. Gary Patterson, TCU; Thankful Coach Fran didn't take him to Tuscaloosa. Returns favor by voting for Horns.
  27. Bo Pelini, Nebraska; Texas is one of the few states he hasn't worked in; still holding out hope.
  28. Chris Petersen, Boise State; Any rival of Oklahoma is a friend of his
  29. Gary Pinkel, Missouri; Wants another crack at beating #1 team.
  30. Mike Price, Texas-El Paso; Clause in settlement prevents him from voting for Tide.
  31. Mark Richt, Georgia; Leads internet Bible study with Colt McCoy.
  32. Mike Riley, Oregon State; Sold his vote for right to recruit Jacquizz Rodgers.
  33. Rich Rodriguez, Michigan; Hopes to work there someday.
  34. Howard Schnellenberger, Florida Atlantic; Still bitter Bama regents wouldn't fire Bear and give him job in the 60s.
  35. Mark Snyder, Marshall; Formerly coached at Ohio State; also hates SEC.
  36. Frank Solich, Ohio; Strict DUI laws in Bama make him lean to the Longhorns.
  37. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina; Friends with Stoops and ringleader of Anti-Saban voting bloc.
  38. Bob Toledo, Tulane; Mercy vote in conciliatory gesture after the 1997 massacre in Austin.
  39. Dick Tomey, San Jose State; Former Defensive Coordinator at Texas.
  40. Jim Tressel, Ohio State; Hates all things SEC.
  41. Tommy Tuberville, Auburn; Like he's voting for Alabama.
  42. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame; Needs bathtub the size of Lake Travis, so he votes for Horns at every opportunity.
  43. Tyrone Willingham, Washington; Jealous of Saban; always wanted to coach at a place with the lofty academic standards of LSU and Bama.
  44. Ron Zook, Illinois; Coaching buddy of Fulmer - was D coordinator at Tennessee when Fulmer was O coordinator; hates Bama as a result.

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