Basketball Season

Tonight the men's team opens the exhibition season against Rockhurst University, a D-II school in the KC area. I've been having too much fun following the Sooners and making fun of the Aggies (TX and OK) and the Bugeaters to be up to date on the hoops teams yet. It was just a few years ago when the annual beating by Texas in early October would turn my attention to basketball, but a resurgence in the football program has left me with tabling my hoops interest until a later time.

On a related matter, I do know that Alexander Graham Bell got an assistant coach fired at IU earlier this week. Earlier this week the Hoosiers approached Ahmed Khalil, a police officer in Fallujah, about filling the vacated position. Khalil rejected the offer, however, citing the poor job security provided by Sampson and the Hoosiers.

My open letter to Texas Aggie fans

Dear Aggie Fan,
All the buzz is that you're going to get rid of coach Fran. Leading candidate according to the internets and such are Tommy Tuberville of Auburn and Jeff Tedford of California. Let's look at the resumes. I'll type slow so you can follow along.

Tommy Tuberville is such a well respected coach that his present university loves so much they flew Bobby Petrino in to meet with them before they officially fired Tuberville. Coming into this year, he's 71-29 in 8 years at Auburn, so he's averaged 9 wins and 3-4 losses. Throw out his 13-0 year in 2004, and he's a smooth 58-29. He's 19-16 against top 25 teams. He coaches Auburn, and the Tigers are always looking up at big brother Alabama in the state.

Jeff Tedford is 43-20 at Cal in five years. That's an average of 8-4. I know all you Aggies believe the academics at Cal and TAMU are similar, but I have two words for you. Kevin Murray. If those two words aren't enough, here are two more. Jamar Toombs. I don't know if I spelled it right, and am not taking the time to look it up. This ain't the NY times. Not that they'd look it up either. Anyway, where was I? So, Tedford is 8-8 against top 25 teams. Cal is at best the second highest profile team in the state. He'd fit right in.

This is not a plea to keep Coach Fran (as appealing as it may be for me as a Sooner alum) but I'm just asking you kids to consider who you're replacing him with. The two "leading candidates" per the computers and such are masters at the 8-4 record. Gary Gibbs can get you that. And your players will stay out of jail. And he's probably cheaper. My point is you ran RC off for going 8-4, give or take a game. Berry Tramel once wrote in the Oklahoman in 1998 that they fired Gary Gibbs for going 8-4, and they'd name the stadium after the next coach that could get them to that. Maybe that's all your shooting for. Or maybe the 500 record against top 25 teams is appealing when the current coach was 3-14 against ranked foes at the start of the year.

You gotta figger out if you want Aggie blood. Or not. But you've got to hire someone that has positive relationships with the Texas h.s. coaches, and isn't a snake. Fran's midnight ride out of Tuscaloosa, and the way he stiffed those players, soured many a coach on him, IMO. For that reason, or karma if you believe in it, he was doomed from the start.

So, here's my four point plan for building your team back to its normal luster, which means 8-3 or 9-3 and losing a bowl game. It might even turn out better than that if you're fortunate.

1) Hire Major Applewhite as your head coach. Sure, some of your fans have underwear stains older than him, but by all accounts, he's an up and comer. You won't have to pay him $2 million a year to coach, since you'll be paying Fran $2.0 million per year not to coach. You'll be taking the high road and joining forces with a former Longhorn, endearing yourself to the Texas h.s. coaches, and getting a good offensive mind. You also might really make some Longhorns mad, and that's always worth a few laughs as well. Hey, former Sooner great Darrell Royal jumped ship and coached the dreaded Horns for a few years. Since his name's on the stadium and all, I think that turned out okay. He didn't even have to pay money for it.
2) Hire John Blake as your recruiter. For all his warts, that man can bring in some talent. You just want someone else to coach it.
3) Hire Phil Bennett as your defensive coordinator. Phil's a class dude, and has proven to be a good defensive coordinator. He's a former Aggie that got thrown under the bus by RC if memory serves me correctly. For all we know, he could be a head coach too. It's tough to tell from the Hilltop.
4) Make Stephen McGee a slot receiver. Get a QB that's a running threat and run some sort of spread alternating Lane and Goodson as your backs. You might even think about using a tricky formation called "The I" and handing the ball to Goodson and Lane about 35-40 times a game.

The one variable to my plan is that Bennett was on Blake's staff for a year at OU. I don't know what they're relationship is. I know both were unemployed at the end of the year.

You can pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for advise like this, but here at landthieves, I'm giving it to you free.

Osborne Explains Walk Off Program to Callahan

"You see, we used to have a program where kids that wanted to be here walked on, and we didn't have to pay them a scholarship. For you, we are starting a "walk off" program. It's for grown ups that we don't want around anymore, and we have to pay them to walk off. Your the first one of these, so you're kind of a pioneer. Congratulations, and tell Steve Pederson Happy Halloween for me."

Landthieves Poll #4

This week's LandThieves poll follows. I'm working on a few revisions to the math, but work and family are getting in the way of finalizing that. Enough about me, on to the poll...

1. Boston College - BC leap frogs Ohio St this week for #1. BC opponents SOS improved considerably this week; that's part playing Va Tech, part their past opponents winning. This week BC hosts the 'Noles, who many pundits keep expecting to break out of their funk sometime this year. These same pundits still expect Kathleen Turner to make another racy murder thriller, because of a scene in Body Heat. That movie was 26 freaking years ago, people! Let' s move on. BC will win again.
2. Ohio State - Ohio State continues it's roll against the mediocrity that is the Big 10. Wisconsin is 7-2. They are 1-2 on the road, with a victory against...UNLV. They lost by 31 to Penn St, who proved to be beatable at home by Ohio State.
3. Kansas - I haven't seen that much velour on a human being since...I give up. Kansas proves they are for real by winning at A&M. This also means they are better than the previous teams that couldn't win at College Station this year...Montana State; Fresno State; Louisiana-Monroe; Baylor; Oklahoma State.
4. Arizona State - with each passing week, it's getting tougher and tougher for Dirk Koetter to stump for a new head coaching job. The Sun Devils rally from a double digit deficit to hand Cal it's third straight loss. ASU finishes the year with at Oregon, at UCLA, hosting USC and hosting intrastate rival Arizona.
5. Oregon - the Ducks host the Sun Devils this weekend, so the 4 or 5 team is dropping in the coming week. Oregon finishes with ASU, Arizona, UCLA and intrastate rival Oregon State.
6. West Virginia -WVU beat up on Rutgers this weekend. When Pat White stays healthy, they are a tough team.
7. LSU - Les Miles travels to Tuscaloosa to battle his predecessor at LSU, Nick Saban. Oddly enough, there is an egomaniac convention in Tuscaloosa that weekend. Coincidence? I think not.
8. Oklahoma -Sooners were originally slated to play Boone State this weekend, but TV powers changed the game to Thanksgiving weekend. This provides time for the Cowboys to lose a couple more games and declare the Sooner game a "bowl game".
9. Michigan - Michigan has had two road games so far this year. They travel to Michigan State and Wisconsin the next two weeks.
10. South Florida - USF loses to UConn this week. But USF is clearly the better team. Why? because that's what my poll says.
11. Georgia - Georgia wins a huge rivalry game against the Gators. I expected the Dawgs to fold the tent after the Vol loss, but Saturday's win was a big one, even though Tebow had one hand tied behind his back.
12. Connecticut - I don't care what my computer says, I can't take this team seriously. They're just trying to build a football team the women's hoops team would be proud of.
13. Rutgers
14. Northern Iowa - narrow victory against Youngstown State this weekend keeps the top 20 ranking alive for the Panthers.
15. Florida - Tim Tebow is best one armed QB in the country.
16. Auburn
17. Clemson
18. Alabama - battles for lead in SEC West is in Tuscaloosa this weekend.
19. Missouri
20. Virginia Tech
21. Virginia - now with losses to national powers Wyoming and NC State
22. Wake Forest
23. Purdue
24. Texas - Longhorns finally overtake UMass.
25. South Carolina

Mangino Announces new Clothing Line

Kansas Jayhawk football coach Mark Mangino took the opportunity of national exposure at the TAMU-Jayhawk football game to announce his new casual wear clothing line. In this exclusive interview with Sooner alum Stacey Dales, Coach Mangino sports a sleek look in the Jayhawk velour track suit. The suit is available to all Kansas fans, and comes in several sizes, including plus sizes Jumbo, Husky, and Look Out! It's coming this way!

Around the Big 12

Bugeaters fall to Austin City Jail - Jamaal Charles runs for over 200 yards in the fourth quarter to secure the W for the Horns. Nebraska led 19-7 at the start of the fourth. Charles is the primary candidate to be the Big 12 offensive player of the week. This would be the FOURTH WEEK IN A ROW, that the Big 12 Offensive POW played Nebraska. Nebraska travels to Kansas this coming week, so my prediction is Todd Reesing or Brandon McAnderson will be next week's POW. The Bugeaters must go at least 2-1 in their remaining three games at Kansas, hosting K State and at Colorado.

CU Later defeats Dust Pirates - Harrell throws 4 picks for second straight week. CU CB Terrence Wheatley accounts for three of the picks. The bright spot for the Red Raiders continues to be freshman Michael Crabtree, who continues his attack on Big 12 receiving records.

Shamanginos defeat Cash Machine U - my daughter who doesn't read this blog, walks into the room and says, "why do they have ATM on their helmet?". Kansas D was impressive in win against Coach Fran. I've never seen so many Aggies torn between losses indicating coach departure, and rooting for the W for the alma mater. If I weren't a Sooner fan, I'd be rooting for the Aggies to run the table, and for the Sooners to defeat the Cowboys. That would give the Cash Machines their first Big 12 south title in 10 years, and then we could see if they still wanted to fire their coach.

Willie and Friends Lambast Baylor - Baylor plays three QBs again. JD Weed plays, but does not fire up the passing arm. Josh Freeman has a big night against the Bears.

Mizzou beats Baylor North - Cyclones outgain Mizzou and control time of possession 38 minutes to 22. However, Tigers outscore Cyclones 42-28 in the final 60 minutes of the game.

Best Sooner #10

Uwe Von Schamann (76-78) - punter and kicker who is 10th in all time scoring at Oklahoma. 6th in career field goals made, and was first in career FG made when he left OU. Made 149 of 150 XP kicks. Von Foot is most noted for a huge FG against Ohio State in Columbus to win the game.
Scott Case (82-83) - 11 interceptions in his career. All Big 8 in 1983.
David Vickers (84-87) - 20th leading DB in tackles in career. Started on 85 national champ team. All Big 8 in 86.
Torrance Marshall (99-00) - Defensive leader in national championship season. Scored game winner on interceptin return against Cash Machine U. Never mind the clip by Rocky Calmus. All conference senior year. Holds single season mark for sacks by a LB.
Lance Mitchell (02-04) - All conference LB in 2004.
Steve Collins (89-92) - 19th in career passing yards
Gerald Williams (95-98) - misfortune of playing WR during Desert Era. Not mentioned in Sooner record book.

Vote in the poll, and put your comments below, if you wish.

BC Va Tech Analysis

Watched the BC - Va Tech game tonight. Always kinda liked the BC Golden Eagles, but had to root for Beamer's boys tonight. What a freaking comeback by BC to get the W. Matt Ryan pretty much looked the Hokie D in the eye, ripped their heart out, sliced it into bite sized morsels and made them eat it. That after running for his life and missing open receivers (not that many open, but he sure didn't hit them when they were) for most of the game.

Oh, yeah, and that doesn't help the Sooners chances any of moving up, either. Of course, with the Sooners computer rankings, it wouldn't have been a shock if Va Tech leap-frogged us if they beat BC anyway.

Bye Week Haiku

Nice to have bye week.
Players have time to study?
Let's hope they're not jailed.

Bass Fishing Controversy

LandThieves Press outdoor editor Dick Cheney has uncovered a budding controversy in the collegiate bass world. Seems the collegiate bass folks put together an "Athlete Advisory Council" put together a mathematical model to rate the various bass fishing teams. To quote Commissioner Heckaman,

Another primary concern was how to best evaluate a one-boat team vs. a multiple-boat team at any given event. On one side of the coin you have a one-boat team who has the equivalent of a crap shoot -- all or nothing. This team will either perform exceptionally well (Top 10) or crash and burn (Bottom 10), with no help in sight. On the other side of the coin you have multiple- boat teams. A multiple-boat team that has one boat with a poor/average performance (#30) can be lifted up in the ranking by another boat with a strong finish (#1). Conversely, multiple-boat team that has a boat with an exceptional performance (#1) may be pulled down in the rankings by another boat with an average/poor performance (#30)."



For example, Cash Machine U won the national tourney at Lake Lewisville; Virginia Tech won the national tourney in Arkansas (look for ESPN segment on tie in of fishers to last May's student shooting), while Western Kentucky is the highest ranked team.



As a result, LandThieves proposes it's own statistical model for the fishing teams:



Rating = (BAL - SPF + RMPH + DDS); the rating system is explained furtherL



BAL - Blood Alcohol Level of the athletes at the end of the fishing period * 100

SPF - the SPF rating of the sunblock used by the athletes will be deducted from the total points

RMPH - top speed achieved in reverse while backing the trailer into the water

DDS - average number of teeth per angler



It is our opinion that this formula will allow us to have a solid leading indicator of the fishing teams capabilities.

Spend the Day with a Hooker and some Weed

While you might think this is a salacious statement, it's also completely possible on Nov 17, when the Baylor Bears women's volleyball team hosts the Lady Longhorns volleyball team, which is led by Destinee Hooker. On that same day, the John David Weed led Baylor Bears will host the Boone State Cowboys at Floyd Casey Stadium. I don't care if he's playing or not, with the dazed and confused look the Air Bear attack is looking, my theory is they are led by Weed.

The Baylor marketing department really needs to do something around this day. The possibilities are limitless, if you complete disregard the Baptist affiliation and all.

On this Day in Sooner History

Little known fact, but 20 years ago today the Sooners were rocked with their own textbook scandal. Several football players were caught with textbooks, and most were without crayon markings when the tutors located them. Order was quickly restored, and the Sooners went on to beat the Colorado Buffaloes 24-6 the following day.

Iowa State Review Haiku

I thought the bye week
Would be tougher than I State
Sooners win nailbiter.

Landthieves Poll #3

1. Ohio State - It's really tought to tell what the signature win for the Buckeyes is...Purue? Michgan St?
2. Boston College - UMass's 7-1 record inflates BC's opponent's record.
3. LSU - Big W against Auburn. :01 away from being loss.
4. Kansas - Colorado QB Dan Hawkins says the 'Hawks are the toughest team they've played this year.
5. Arizona State - Sun Devils play Jeff Tedford's Cal squad. Cash Machine U is salivating over luring Tedford or Tuberville to College Station. So both teams lost last week.
6. South Florida - falls a bit after losing to Rutgers.
7. Oregon - Belotti's boys play the Men of Troy Saturday. I hope it's on ABC on Saturday evening. It's been a couple of weeks since I've been able to swear at the Disney folks on Saturday night.
8. Oklahoma - Iowa State nearly caught the Sooners looking ahead to the bye week.
9. West Virginia - Mountaineers play Rutgers this Saturday.
10. Florida - that Tebow kid is pretty good. Rivalry game looms with Georgia this weekend.
11. Rutgers - see #9.
12. Michigan - Appalachian State now has two losses, also.
13. Virginia - they lost to Wyoming to start the season. Puzzling.
14. Northern Iowa - best team in Iowa this year. Glad the Sooners weren't playing them.
15. Missouri - a solid W against the Dust Pirates this past weekend.
16. Auburn - by far the best three loss team in the country.
17. South Carolina - Spurrier's team laid an egg against Vandy this week.
18. Virginia Tech - hosts Boston College this wknd. The upper crust Eastern school travels to Blacksburg, Virginia. There should be a reality show.
19. Connecticutt - don't know anything about them. Don't care.
20. Southern Cal - opponent's W/L % is 31.1
21. Yale - I gotta improve this poll.
22. Georgia - see 21
23. Wake Forest - best Baptist football school. But Vandy is gainin' on 'em.
24. Kentucky - hardest schedule of any of the top 25
25. Georgia Tech - with Tashard Choice's knee injury, this ranking is going down.

Osborne Fires Callahan

Interim Athletic Director Tom Osborne announced today that he has terminated the contact of head coach Bill Callahan today. Through our insider connections, LandThieves own Lawrence Phillips was able to sit down with Dr. Osborne for a follow up interview:

LTP: Coach, does today's announcement have anything to do with ex-coach Callahan referring to you as a "crusty old #!#$!"?
TO: No, Lawrence, it doesn't.
LTP: Coach, did you fire him because he said you were trying to run things from Washington, D.C.?
TO: No, Lawrence, it doesn't.
LTP: Did you fire him based upon yesterday's horrible game against Cash Machine U?
TO: That did have a little bit to do with it. I was sitting, uhm, in the library, reading the newspaper accounts of the prior day's game. I got to thinking that I've crapped out more information about college football and leadership than Bill Callahan has exhibited. So, I got a bedpan, finished my business, and promoted one of my recent bowel movements to Head Coach.
LTP: That's a little sick, don't you think?
TO: Well, it should do until Turner Gill can get down here from Buffalo. The assistant coaches will continue to do most of the work. If they have a question, they can just come over to my office, smell this steaming pile of my dung, and their football thoughts will have clarity they haven't experienced before.
LTP: Dr. Osborne, thank you for your time. No, I don't want to shake hands.

Around the Big 12

Headlines you may not have seen this morning:

• Iowa State doesn't stink as bad as you thought - Iowa State holds Sooners to season low 17 points. The cyclones had four trips inside the red zone, but only came up with seven points, as a result of a missed FG, turning the ball over on downs, and a DJ Wolfe interception off of a ball tipped by Curtis Lofton.
• Shamu, we're not in Kansas anymore- Jayhawks had played five home games and one at K State. The Buffaloes had threw two interceptions, gave up a a fumble and two failed fourth down conversions. Todd Reesing, Kansas QB, played well on the road.
• Nebraska's new "hot butter" defensive scheme fails against Aggies - Huskers D now nonexistent. If you see it, please notify Tom Osborne. Aggies beat N 36-14.
• Baylor tries Weed, loses to Longhorns - JD Weed goes 7-12 against the Horns. Offensive ineptitude continues for the Bears. A battle for last place in the Big 12 South (seriously, Baylor wins this and Texas is in last place in Big12S after four games) goes the Horns way in the fourth quarter.
• Boone State doesn't choke, defeats Wildcats -Pokes kick a field goal with 2 seconds remaining to defeat KState who were led by Josh Freeman's 400+ yards passing. As a Sooner, I can usually count of the Pokes to choke games away. However, they've twice come back in the fourth quarter to win. The Cowboys ran for 329 yards, with Savage and Robinson going for over 100 yards.
• Missouri defense gets off bus for TT game - Chase Daniels outduels Graham Harrell in Columbia, Mo. Harrell throws four picks, and TT goes 3-7 on fourth down, as the Tigers win 41-10.

Sooner - Iowa St preview limerick

The Sooners travel to Ames
Iowa State has lost six games
The Crimson and Cream
Will ruin Chizik's dream
Then it's back to Norman for dames.

Iowa State - OU Preview

So you're wondering how the Iowa State Cyclones match up to the

Sooners on the gridiron?

Offense		I think it's safe to say that Bret Meyer hasn't developed as QB. There was a lot of promise early in his career. Sooners continue to score points.
Defense		Iowa State has allowed at least 35 points in each conference game this year.
Special Teams		Sooners are 4th in KO return; ISU is 113 in KO coverage.
Stadium Name		Jack Trice Stadium. Trice died playing football for the Cyclones in 1922.
Coaching		Coach Stoops vs Gene Chizik. Switzer used to say, the better my players are, the better I coach. Or something to that effect. Chizik's cupboard bare right now.
Cool Alumni		Iowa State needs to work on recruiting. George Washington Carver by far leads the list, then it's Mallory Snyder, an SI swimsuit model.
Firing Coach who led you out of mediocrity		Iowa State ran off Dan McCartney. South Florida is doing pretty well with him as an assistant this year.

Urinating Coach Limericks

Coach Schnupp is a household name
After the Bear-Jayhawk Game
At the end o the bar
He didn't pee far...
said he was putting out flame.

Coach Schnupps' blader was overfull
He peed next to a bar stool
The cops were right there
But he didn't care
Now he's suspended by school

You'll Pay me not to work?

With all the scrutiny around Morris, Franchione and Callahan (sounds like an unholy trinity of a law firm, if you ask me) and their allegedly pending departures, I just wonder how that call goes...

Bill Byrne: Coach, we've talked it over, and we've decided we're going to go a different direction with the program.
Fran: You can't do this! I have a contract through 2011. I can still turn this team around. I've poured thousands of hours into this university.
BB: Yes, I know you have a contract. We'll honor that.
Fran: So you're going to pay me to not work?
BB: Yes.
Fran: Now why didn't I think of that earlier? Where do I sign?

Mizzou Game Review in Poetry

Victory tasted so sweet,
'Twas the Tigers that we beat.
While Chase picks his nose,
Sooners pick his throws
And leave him with boogers to eat.

Around the Big 12 - A Day Late

Boone State beats Bugeaters 45-14. The Pokes were up 38-0 on Nebraska, in Lincoln, at halftime. It was the first time Boone State won in Lincoln since 1960. This is the fourth time the Bugeaters allowed 40 points this season. First time that’s ever happened in over a 100 years of Husker football. I got to think there’s a Husker fan up in Lincoln is drafting up a forged VIP connection from Coach Callahan as I type this.
Kansas State dominates Colorado. Colorado turns the ball over four times and goes 1-12 on third down to lose 47-20 to Willie and Friends.
Kansas rolls Baylor, Bears avoid Weed. Kansas pours on the points 58-10 victory. Mike Singletary is brushing up his resume. Baylor uses three quarterbacks, none of them named John David Weed. I demand an investigation. Kansas is 6-0 for the first time since 1995. I think Glen Mason was the coach then, and Minnesota misses him.
Mike Leach’s Dust Pirates defeated the Cash Machine Aggies, 35-7. TT receiver Michael Crabtree has another stellar day, accumulating 180 yards and eight catches. Apparently Javorskie Lane’s guarantee of an Aggie victory had little backing by the rest of the players. If you claim your guarantee, I think you get a subscription to Coach Fran’s newsletter at his next job, the UT-Permian Basin VIP connection.
The Austin City Detention Facility Longhorns team defeated Iowa State (the new Baylor!) 56-3. Colt McCoy ran for a 44 yard score. I'm speechless as to further comment.

LandThieves BS Translator

Today we here at LandThieves are starting a new feature called the BS Translator. We start with a couple of examples from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln.

Nebraska chancellor Harvey Perlman, October 15
What he said: "We are, of course, disappointed about the progress in our football program. Steve has done many positive things for Husker athletics during his tenure, but I think only new leadership can objectively assess the state of our program and make the decisions necessary to move us forward."

What he meant: "About the only thing Steve did right was polish the statue of Bob Devaney properly. Steve Pederson would not fire Bill Callahan. So we will. After a couple more games."

Nebraska AD Bill Pederson, November 03, 2003
What he said "I refuse to let the program gravitate into mediocrity.We won't surrender the Big 12 to Oklahoma and Texas."
What he meant "We surrender the Big 12 to Kansas. They can surrender it to Texas and Oklahoma if they wish."

LandThieves Poll #2

1. South Florida - travels to Rutgers to play on a short week.
2. Ohio State - finishes out the "grueling" Big 10 season with juggernauts Michigan State, Penn State, Wisconsin, Illinois, and Michigan. With the benefit of hindsight into the first six weeks, the most impressive game for this murders row was Illlinois' loss to Missouri.
3. LSU - losing to a one loss Kentucky team in triple OT doesn't hurt much. Tiger opponents have a 70% winning percentage.
4. Boston College - has the week off before travelling to Va Tech. Then they play four other shizo teams in the ACC: FSU, Maryland, Clemson, and Miami.
5. Arizona State - Dirk Koetter, you have a call from Lincoln, Nebraska on line 1.
6. Kansas - highly unlikely they hold here. Awful strength of schedule combined with pending games at Colorado and Boone State make this unlikely to stick.
7. Oregon - Best win so far has been: Houston, Michigan, Stanford. Discuss.
8. South Carolina - Lost to LSU; beat Kentucky.
9. Auburn - best two loss team in the country. Absolutely U-G-L-Y win over Arkansas Sat. night.
10. Oklahoma - pending dominating performance against Iowa State surely to impress voters. This will hurt the strength of schedule of the Sooners.
11. Kentucky
12. West Virginia
13. Michigan - I have to check my computer on this one. Yup, that's what calculates out.
14. Cincinnati
15. Rutgers
16. California
17. Florida
18. Virginia Tech
19. Illinois
20. Missouri
21. Virginia
22. Southern Cal - the win loss percentage of the Trojans foes is 36.4%. Hawaii and Troy are the only D-1 A teams that have had an easier schedule this year, to date.
23. Texas Tech
24. Northern Iowa - they are the best team in Iowa this year.
25. Connecticutt

For those of you wondering, UMass did fall out of the top 25. They remain ranked ahead of the Longhorns.

Alexander Graham Bell in trouble with NCAA again

Well. AGB has done it again. Seems he's run afoul of the NC2A again. I think I'll have to have an annual award for the coach who has gone from hero to zero in a year. AGB seems to have joined the race along with Bill Callahan and Dennis Franchione. If you have any suggestions for the title of the award, let me know in the comments.

Reason for the unannounced absence

I took a break from blogging this week while traveling to the promised land of Oklahoma to spend time with family after the death of my grandmother. My grandmother, Loreeta White, was 86 years old, and in her last few years she battled Alzheimer’s, then Parkinson’s, and finally uterine cancer. I am comforted that I know she is in heaven now, and that those wicked illnesses are not prevalent there. I’m taking a break from the normal drivel of this blog to tell you about my grandmother.

Loreeta Kessler married Harry Oscar Dickerson when she was 19. My grandfather had health ailments most of his life. He had scarlet fever as a child, which resulted in complete hearing loss in one ear and partial hearing loss in the other. An accident in a machine shop took the sight in one eye. He was a diabetic, resulting in the loss of one leg and his remaining eyesight, in 1966. My grandfather maintained a wonderful spirit and attitude through this; it’s not like he was a freeloader.

Grandma just gutted it out. Loreeta had a servant’s heart, and the work ethic that was prevalent of so many of those raised in the Depression. She worked in an assembly line in Oklahoma City, and was active in her church and was blessed to have a close knit family. She was a twin to Lorraine, and had a brother Claude and sister Vella Emma. Their vacations tended to be trips to see extended family that lived in California, Florida, Arkansas, wherever.

One of my memories of my grandmother is that in the car, she was always talking…about the weather, road signs, anything that was of interest, or even not, that was coming up. It made sense when my blind grandfather was in the car, but after he died in 1979, I didn’t think it made any sense. I was a stupid teenager and didn’t realize she had programmed herself to talk through these things to be my Grandfather’s eyes to the world, and that she couldn’t be reprogrammed.

After my Grandfather died, Grandma remarried a gentleman named John White a couple of years later. John and Loreeta were married two years before John had a massive stroke in a mall in OKC. He never regained consciousness, but my Grandma White faithfully went to his side at the nursing home daily for eight weeks, praying for his healing. That day never came, and he passed away. Grandma resigned herself at that time that she was solo, and poured herself into helping “the little old ladies” at her church, where she taught the ladies’ Sunday school class and sang in the choir. Grandma was 63 at the time. She continued serving others until Alzheimer’s made it unsafe to do, and many times was helping out, taking meals, and driving folks around that were younger than her.

My grandmother loved to garden and grew roses and tomatoes. She prided herself on mowing her own lawn, well past her 70th birthday.

The biggest lifelong lesson I learned from Grandma was forgiveness. She has a son who has not been a model son, more prodigal than model. I won’t belabor the various missteps nor the pain and inconvenience that his actions caused, but I do remember a conversation where someone asked her, “Why do you put up with this?” and her answer, paraphrased, was “Because he’s my son, and he’ll always be my son.” I’ll never forget that statement, as I thought it such a model of what we should do, but in such contradiction to what we execute on a day to day basis.

Grandma, thanks for the lesson, and for everything. Please tell Grandpa I said, “Hello.” We’ll see you later, and I look forward to that day.

OU-Mizzou Preview Limerick

Missouri leads the North race
QB'd by a gent named Chase
We'll show them who's boss
And hand them a loss
'Cause DeMarco's on the case

Boomer Sooner!

So you're wondering how the Mizzou Tigers match up to the

Sooners?

Offense		Both offenses are top notch. Chase Daniel, a Texas h.s. star that inexplicably bypassed OU, leads the Tiger offense. Sooners have played against the 108, 116 and 119 ranked defenses in D-1 A. Mizzou had played marginally tougher D, withi similar results.
Defense		Mizzou has struggled stopping Illinois and Mississippi. Sooners have held every opponent below their average points scored.
Special Teams		The Sooners are better in kickoffs and kick returns, Tigers have the edge in punt returns and punt coverage. Hartley has been spotty this year, but is better than Mizzou kicker. Slight edge to the LandThieves.
Stadium Name		Faurot Field vs Owen Field at Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium. I love simple names. UM must have forgotten to charge former coach Faurot money for the honor.
Coaching		Coach Stoops vs Gary Pinkel. Pinkel has been notorious at UM for late season fades. Stoops problem is he loses once or twice a year. Pinkel is 2
Cool Alumni		Sheryl "One Tile" Crow leads the pack for the Tigers. Brad Pitt probably seeks solace from his relationship woes to consider his time at Missouri. Other Mizzou alums include Sam Walton (offset by his wife being a Sooner), web journalists Dennis Dodd and one of my favorites, Pat Forde or espn.com. Mort Walker, creator of Beatle Bailey forces the edge to Missouri.
Nation's Largest Blood Drive		Now that's a good cause.

Bonus USC Coverage

It took our Pac 10 correspondent quite a while to recover from Saturday, but here's Snoops report from Pasadena.

by Snoop Dogg, Pac 10 Correspondent
Pasadena (LTP) - Mizzan, those nerds frizzay PaloAlto bizzy mah Trojans fo' real. I ciznan't believe it. Whizzay tha heck is a Cardinal anyway? Hizzle in tha city of Angels, I can understand why yo school's teams is named brotha a prophylizzles device, but Stanford? The teams is named poser a color? And tha mascot's a tizzle? What happens whizzay they play tha Georgia Bulldogs?

Anwyay, back ta tha disasta of a gizzle. My dawg John David Booty - love thizzay name - played like he had his heezee up his booty aight. Dude THR-to-tha-izzew four interceptions! What's up wit thizzay n we out. Now he sez he's gots a broke finga. I thizzink it's coz Brian Cush'ngrabbed his hand n said, "Stizzop throw'n ta tha white jerseys!" Thizne, tha Trojan D let some backup quarterback complete a fourth n 20 pass ta keep tha drive alive, then thriznow anotha fo` a score ta win tha gizzle . Death row 187 4 life. What's up wit tizzle? They only allowed 235 yards all game. No more field trips ta Bitchez Gone Wild blunt-rollin' sessions fo` those guys.

Stanford's just awful. They had lost they previous 3 Pac10 conference games by a minimum of 24 points. Stanford's so bad thizzay Washington State schedules them fo` weed-smokin'.

I'm not giv'n up on mah dawg Pete, though with my forty-fo' mag. He's good coach. I diznon't care what tha guys say at tha Jets n Patriots. The Trojans have lost four games in tha since 2003, n tha largest margin of defeat was four points. That's pretty phenomizzles fo' rizeal. I T-H-to-tha-izzink this was all pizzy of Pete's playa pizzle ta keep Jim Harbaughemployed in tha Pac10. Kinda like wizzle OUtried ta kizzle RC Slocum employed in 2001 if you gots a paper stack. Who would have thought Coach F-R-to-tha-izzan would be a downgrade?

Be Cool.

Cupcake Monster

I have to give a shout out to KUSports for this picture and article today about how Kansas' cupcake schedule helped them prepare for conference play. Here's the quote: "I think it’s a key factor,” Mangino said Monday. “You have to reflect back a year ago. We were a 6-6 team, lost some tough games. There are several factors involved, and we addressed each one...it wasn’t the biggest factor — but one of the factors was confidence. We felt like being 4-0 in nonconference play developed confidence in our players for Big 12 competition.” After a quote like that, you'd think KU played a smorgasbord of tough non-conference opponents. Well, let's pop open our Phil Steele and review the 06 non conference schedule: Northwestern State, Louisiana-Monroe, Toledo (loss in OT on national TV), South Florida. They traded NW State for Central Michigan, who still haven't recovered from Gary Hogeboom's graduation; took SE Louisiana instead of Louisiana Monroe, were brave enough to take Toledo on for a rematch, and wisely replaced South Florida with Florida International. Fortunately for the Jayhawks, Boone State and Texas already had FAU and UCF tied up, respectively. I think beating freaking Toledo is what really set them up for a killer season.

Okay, that rant is over, and I feel better. Now, please provide your comments as to what purpose the cupcakes have.

I believe the purpose of the cupcakes is to provide a long distance bond between Mangino and his long lost son, Jorvorskie Lane. Looking forward to the family reunion in College Station later this year.

LandThieves Poll Announced

Following is my first poll of the season. It's a strictly a computer poll, using several factors, including w/l record, margin of victory, opponents w/l, opponents' opponents w/l, home and road records, and how often you've played on the road.

1. LSU
2. Ohio State
3. South Florida
4. Boston College
5. Missouri
6. Arizona State
7. Cincinnati
8. Auburn
9. Illinois
10. California
11. Oregon
12. Kansas
13. Connecticut
14. South Carolina
15. West Virginia
16. Oklahoma
17. Florida
18. Kentucky
19. Southern Cal
20. Purdue
21. Virginia
22. Massachusetts
23. Michigan
24. Virginia Tech
25. Indiana

Self-analysis says UMass at 22 is a little wacky. Though if they run the spread offense, there's no doubt they could take the 23rd ranked Michigan Wolverines. I disagree with my Florida at 17 as well. Apparently my poll doesn't yet take into consideration losing to the #1 ranked team on the road in the last minute. Since Florida dropped in the human polls too, let's just acknowledge my poll is flawed, too. I have the Fisheaters 139th, right behind Denver Johnson's Illinois State Redbirds. That feels about right.

Texas Review in Limerick Form

Several Horns watched the game from jail.
The Sooners shortly did trail.
Sam led the attack,
To bring our boys back.
Texas needs money for bail.

BugEaters Fire Equipment Manager

Laundry Mistake leads to Huskers playing like Pinkshirts, not Blackshirts.

by Joe Huff, Senior Editor in Charge

Nebraska Coach Bill Callahan fired equipment manager Jay Terry today after the Huskers allowed 40 points for the third time this season. In reviewing game film throughout the season, he noticed the Bugeater D not playing with it's usual ferociousness and athleticism. An extensive review found that a laundry mishap has turned the Blackshirts into Pinkshirts.
Neither Terry not Callahan were available for further comment. The Huskers have not allowed 40 points in three separate games in a season since prior to WW2.

In an effort to raise cash to pay for Mr. Terry's severance, the school has started selling these nifty pictures to commemorate the 2007 season.

Around the Big 12

Kansas beat Willie and Friends today 30-24. Kansas is 5-0 and actually beat someone we've heard of today.

Colorado continued their dominance over Big 12 South foes today, beating Baylor 43-23. Baylor actually outgained the Buffaloes, but trailed 30-9 at half. Guy Morris may lower the price on his home after this one.

Texas Tech beat Iowa State 42-17. Michael Crabtree continues his assault on receiving records, catching 10 passes for 154 yards and three score.

Boone State dominated the first half against Cash Machine U going into the locker room leading 17-0. Apparently they mistook the Aggies for the Longhorns, and gave the lead up and then some. Falling behind 24-20, a FG was followed by a three and out defensive stand, and the Pokes looked like they were prepared for another comeback. However a roughing the kicker penalty on the punt kept the drive alive and the Aggies prevailed, 24-23.

Bugeaters are getting their heads handed to them by the Mizzou Tigers. Perhaps the curse of Warren Powers has been lifted. If it hasn't, Mizzou will blow a 27 point lead in the last 20 minutes of playing time. I believe the Nebraska chapter of the Bill Callahan fan club may have lost a few members tonight.


Everyone who had the Jayhawks and Buffaloes tied in the North and Aggies leading the South, and Texas tied with Baylor for last place in the South, raise your hand.

Ou-Texas Recap

The Sooners win today 28-21. The D looked not so good in the first half, and was particularly awful covering the middle of the field. They made some adjustments in the second half, and the D allowed only one score in the second half. Curtis Lofton (big forced fumble early in 2nd half), Ryan Reynolds, Reggie Smith and Nic Harris all stood out. When the Sooners were able to pressure Colt McCoy, Auston English seemed to be the one doing it. The Sooners were able to stop the run, and held the Horns to 61 yards rushing.

Offensively, DeMarco Murray was spectacular. The 65 yard run in the third quarter demonstrated his athleticisim and speed. Murray finished with 129 yards. Malcolm Kelly catches ANYTHING thrown his way. Sam Bradford had two incompletions in the second half, and one of them was a drop by Quentin Chaney. Kelly had 105 yards receiving and a score, and Iglesias had 99 yards himself. Keith Jackson Jr only had two catches, but much like the original Keith Jackson, made the most of those catches, accumulating 8 yards and 2 scores.

In a moment of humanity, I have to tip my hat to Colt McCoy. He's gutsy, smart and throws it well. Today he was 19-26 for 324 yards.

Feels good to get a W again. I think we should keep this Stoops fella. And the minute Arizona cans Mike Stoops, I'd give HeadVisor a paycut and bring his brother back as Co-D Coordinator.

Your LandThieves Viewing Guide - 10/6

11 am - two games to flip between a) clash of the unbeatens in the Big 12, Kansas vs Kansas State. Kansas has played a cupcake schedule and been at home every game. Willie and Friends lost to Auburn, which Florida has also done. Prediction: Willie and Friends win; Shamangino eats player; b) Wisconsin at Illinois - Wisconsin is allegedly a top 10 team, with the following victories: 21 pts over Wash St (who hasn't beaten a BCS conf team yet); 14 pts over the Citadel; 3 pts over a Iowa team recovering from a loss to previously winless Iowa St; 7 pt victory over UNLV, 3 pt victory over Michigan St. Illinois is that sweet spot of Ron Zook where superb talent he has recruited hasn't yet realized he can't coach. Prediction: Illinois.
230 pm - LandThieves vs Horns - Horns are banged up and locked up. Not many folks saw this coming, but the Horns just haven't put together much good football this year. The Sooners consolidated their bad football into two quarters Saturday, and came home with a loss. Prediction: Sooners
630 pm - Boone State plays Cash Machine U. The victor gets the opportunity to get spanked by the Sooners in Norman later in the year with the Big 12 South championship on the line. Prediction: home field advantage tips game in Cash Machine U's favor.
700 pm - after the first quarter of Boone State vs Cash Machine U, change the channel to the Florida at LSU game. This one should be a slugfest. Great speed on both defenses. LSU generally plays to a huge home field advantage. You can check on the Big 12 South game during TV timeouts. Prediction: My distaste for Les Miles and desire to have LSU lose is overriden by common sense. I think LSU wins this one.
815 pm - Bugeaters at Mizzou - This is not a game to watch, only to monitor during TV timeouts after the Boone State vs Cash Machine game ends and you'r still watching UF vs LSU. Prediction: time for the Gary Pinkel late season fade to begin. Bugeaters win.

Coach Switzer turns 70

In honor of Switzer's 70th birthday, here's a limerick honoring "the King":

With the genius of Barry
We ran for eight per carry
With trouble in loads
Switzer hit the roads
And left a mess for Gary

VIP Connection from Bass Fishing Coach

By Joe Huff


I was able to find some loose change in the sofa and subscribe to Cash Machine U Bass Fishing Coach Joe Bob Slocum's VIP Connection newsletter. Now that the whole "VIP Connection" series has been outed I felt I could break the confidentiality of this part of the last one of the series, as the Aggies travelled to Lake Lewisville for the National Championships.

• They have this Garden Ridge Pottery Store up here. That place is awesome! I love me some pink flamingos.
• I'm not going to tell anyone else, but one of the boys is having trouble with his wrist. He says it's from "excessive casting". I hope he's right.
• The Bonfire/Fish Fry for the boys was completely ruined by the PETA people last night. I guess they've moved on from that whole Michael Vick thing.
• Lake Lewisville is a big lake. I put an "X" on the side of the boat so we could remember where we were fishing today.
• The 8 track tape player on the boat ate my .38 special "Wild Eyed Southern Boys" 8 track. If anyone has an extra copy, please email me at joebobslocum@gmail.com
• The boys got really hammered at Sneaky Pete's earlier tonight. I hope they're not too drunk too fish tomorrow. Mickey Mantle used to play baseball after tying one on the night before. Surely these boys can sit in a freaking boat with a pole in their hands for a few hours with a hangover.
• We don't have any traditions at the TAMU fishing program. We had the "Small Mouth Bass" tradition for awhile, but found out later that was illegal in most states.

A Brief Diversion

Taking a brief break to direct you over to a site I put together for some friends who just adopted a son. We'll get back to making fun of other Big 12 schools and covering college fb tomorrow.

Welcome Home Daniel.

OU-Texas Preview Poem

Colt suffers the sophomore slump
The team is sure in the dump
Trouble with the fuzz
Has cut the 'Horns buzz
And half are protecting their rump


Sooners will roll!

Ode to Fran's Newsletter

The Ags have a coach named Fran
A private newsletter he ran
He's in big trouble
They'll pay him double
To coach a team in Iran.

OU - Texas Preview

So you're wondering how the Texas Longhorns match up to the Sooners?

Offense		Colt McCoy appears to be suffering through a sophomore slump. One poor offensive showing will not derail the Sooner Schooner.
Defense		The Longhorn defense has not been impenetrable against the forces represented by the Austin PD. They've also struggled against KSU, Arkanas St and Central Florida.
Special Teams		OU is better in the return game. Hartley has yanked a couple of kicks, though. He needs to work on that before I go all 'Mike Gundy' on him.
Stadium Name	Tie	Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium vs Owen Field at Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium. Can't we simplify these things, people.
Coaching		Coach Stoops vs Mack Brown. Mack Brown w/o VY does not do well against the Sooners.
Cool Alumni		Can't the Longhorns find some alumnus other than Matthew McConaughey to roll out there? Is Rip Torn still alive? Peri Gilpin (Roz from Fraser), Renee Zellweger would also be a step up. If Tom Hicks hadn't wrecked the Rangers, I might give them the nod.
Pinup Alumni		Sooners have no match for this.Hopefully it shouldn't matter on Saturday.

Further Analysis of OU-Colorado

Against the Buffs cover two
We did not know what to do
What were they thinking?
Had they been drinking?
Throw to Number 4, that's who!

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Please tip your wait staff.

Ou-Texas Memories

I went to every OU-TX game but one from 1984 - 2000. Following are some of my memories:

1. 2000 - OU comes into the game the underdog and EXPLODES against the Horns. That's the last time I've been to an OU-TX game, I don't think it can be topped. Most amusing memory of that game, Sooners are ahead 63-7 in the fourth quarter, or somesuch like that. A penalty is called against the Sooners, and an elderly gentleman in front of me yells, "C'mon, you're giving 'em the game!"
2. 1996 - greatest W of the Desert Era. That's like saying, "Best looking bearded lady at the circus". An 0-4 Sooners team beats Texas. Gave us a false sense of hope as Sooner fans. Considering how I expected us to get drilled, I remember the relief of that W.
3. 1984 - Great game my freshman year of college. I made the trip down as a day trip. Got a speeding ticket on the way down. I had a great view from the end zone of a blown call on a fumble. The Stanberry non-interception was on the complete opposite side of the stadium. I didn't know until the following day what had gone on with that.
4. 1997 - phenomenal game where Demond Parker had a phenomenal game. He rushed for 291 yards. The Sooners had no passing game during the Desert Era, so the two-minute drill was to hand the ball off-tackle to Parker and pray. He scored twice in the final eight minutes, but the Sooners lost 27-24.
5. 1997 - a grandmother behind my friends and I gets frustrated and screams, "John Blake, I'm going to come down there and kick your ***!"

Well, that's it for tonight. I'm sure you'll get more indepth analysis later on in the week.

LandThieves Stat of the Day

The two undefeated teams left in the Big 12 are Shamangino's Kansas Jayhawks and Gary Pinkel's Missouri Tigers. They won't play until November 24. By that time, the curse of Warren Powers will have kicked in and this game will no longer have national title implications. The mere fact that I'm stating this ensures both programs will run the table. Jayhawk and Tiger fans, please post comments with your bank account info so I can take my appropriate payment.

Desert Era revisited

Saturday's loss to Colorado, combined with Texas loss to KSU, is the first time the two teams have come into the game off a loss since 1997, when John Blake and John Mackovic coached the teams.

Let's harken back to other items in the news in 1997, which pretty much affirm the Desert Era.

• Princess Di died. Mother Teresa. For some inexplicable reason, the world seemed more distraught about Princess Di than Mother Teresa.
• Top songs of 1997 were: 1) Candle in the Wind; 2) Foolish Games; 3) I'll be missing you; 4) Unbreak my heart; 5) Can't noboby hold me down.
• Top flicks of 2007: 1) Titanic; 2) Men in Black; 3) The Lost World; 4) Liar, Liar; 5) Air Force One
• Top Book: The Partner, by John Grisham

Pretty much woudn't miss any of that stuff, other than Men In Black. And, I wouldn't mind Johnny Mack being coach of the Horns again.

CU - OU Review Haiku

Bradford is human
Buffaloes dominated
Pokes lead division