Interim Athletic Director Tom Osborne announced today that he has terminated the contact of head coach Bill Callahan today. Through our insider connections, LandThieves own Lawrence Phillips was able to sit down with Dr. Osborne for a follow up interview:
LTP: Coach, does today's announcement have anything to do with ex-coach Callahan referring to you as a "crusty old #!#$!"?
TO: No, Lawrence, it doesn't.
LTP: Coach, did you fire him because he said you were trying to run things from Washington, D.C.?
TO: No, Lawrence, it doesn't.
LTP: Did you fire him based upon yesterday's horrible game against Cash Machine U?
TO: That did have a little bit to do with it. I was sitting, uhm, in the library, reading the newspaper accounts of the prior day's game. I got to thinking that I've crapped out more information about college football and leadership than Bill Callahan has exhibited. So, I got a bedpan, finished my business, and promoted one of my recent bowel movements to Head Coach.
LTP: That's a little sick, don't you think?
TO: Well, it should do until Turner Gill can get down here from Buffalo. The assistant coaches will continue to do most of the work. If they have a question, they can just come over to my office, smell this steaming pile of my dung, and their football thoughts will have clarity they haven't experienced before.
LTP: Dr. Osborne, thank you for your time. No, I don't want to shake hands.
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