In my mailbox the other day I found a precious gem. Apparently you can now order Christmas and other holiday cards sporting the colors and logos of your favorite team. Since I am here on a mission in Texas, the bulk mail folks decided I should get the Texas Longhorn series. Since my photoshop skills are decidedly limited, I turned my attention to the statements on the inside of the cards. The options they provided just weren’t getting it done, so I came up with a few of my own that I believe are better suited for a Texas Longhorn Holiday Card.
The Shepherds followed the star in the sky.
I got arrested for DUI.
We wish you the warmest Seasons Greetings
If you rat on us we’ll give you all beatings.
We wish a Merry Christmas to all
We were caught shoplifting at the mall.
Up on the roof the sled came to a halt,
I pleaded no contest to aggravated assault.
We wish you a holiday that is warm and tender.
I really like the public defender.
The shepherds asleep in fields where they lay
In Cell Block H there’s no place to play.
The Baby was born peaceful and frail
I spent the night in the Travis County jail.
The three wise men were guided by stars
I was arrested for stealing two cars.
With boughs of holly, deck the halls,
At Henry Hudson’s a dude tore my *****.
We wish you the best during your Ramadan fast
Next week on parole should be my last.
If you have other greetings you’d like to suggest, please do so in the comments below.
And Merry Christmas.
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