Top 10 Things Mack can say to his players

I heard / read somewhere that Mack wasn't sure what he'd tell his players if they watched two teams they'd beaten play in the Big 12 championship game. Mack spent so much time Fri and Saturday politicking I'm sure he's out of breath and ideas now that his fears have been realized. As a courtesy to the former OU assistant, I present to you the top 10 things Mack can say to his football team.

1. I'm sorry I scheduled Florida Atlantic.
2. I'm sorry I scheduled Rice.
3. I'm sorry I scheduled UTEP. We were trying to schedule Temple and complete the Owl trifecta, but they were already committed to play Connecticutt.
4. I can start my at home teeth whitening earlier. I should be done by the Christmas party now.
5. When playing double coverage, one of our defenders should be between the end zone and the offensive player. I'm just sayin...
6. This is all Blake Gideon's fault. All he has to do is catch one little measly batted ball, and this isn't an issue.
7. Saturday night, we can watch Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest Criminals instead of the Big 12 championship game. Everytime you see someone wearing a Texas athlete, you have to do a shot.
8. Our 45-35 sign campaign allowed the FedEx/Kinko's franchise I own to have it's best month ever!
9. On the other hand, the Greenpeace organization on campus has informed us the campaign was not carbon neutral. We will be planting trees Thursday afternoon to offset the harm to the environment.
10. The Vince Young "How to Handle Adversity" talk has been postponed indefinitely.