Wednesday, December 19, 2007

LandThieves Review of the Year Without Santa Claus

By special request, we are reviewing the Christmas Classic 'The Year Without Santa Claus' this evening. For an interesting slant to the review, we will do our best to correlate each roll to a present or past sports personality.

Mrs. Santa - Sooner women's coach Sherri Coale. If Santa wasn't gonna get off his butt and get the job done, she was.
Santa Claus - Merv Johnson, Director of Oklahoma Football Operations and longtime Sooner operative. Took belief in Sooner Magic just a little too far. He's the most paternal figure I could think of related to Sooner sports. Coach Switzer could be Santa, if Santa had a thing for coeds.
Snow Miser - Jim Tressell. Cold weather football is right up his alley. Don't need that blasted speed running through all that snow.
Heat Miser - Rich Rodriguez. RR is from the south, but will to bend a couple of rules if he can secure some northern territory.
Jangle Bells - Joe Dickenson, OU Offensive Coordinator, 1998, the last year of the Desert Era.
Jingle Bells - Larry Coker, former Okie State offensive coordinator and former HC of Miami Hurricanes. Jingle and his brother Jangle didn't seem to be the brightest bulbs.
Mother Nature - Those flashes of lightning to whip the Miser brothers into shape made me think of the McBride Electric Power Play of the game, hosted by the inimitable Bob Barry.
Southtown Dog Catcher - Paul Dee, interim Chairman of the Committee on Infractions and Miami-FL AD.
Mayor of Southtown - U of O President David Boren. Personality didn't match, but physically, give David a mustache and the two are twins.
Mr. Thistlewhite - Bob Stoops. Thistlewhite still believed in Santa. Stoops still believed those kids in 1999 could win football games.
Ignatius Thistlewhite - Sam Bradford. The boyish complexion of Iggy reminded me of the Sooner QB.
Blue Christmas Girl - Jessica Simpson. Clearly you could see the effects of a little Proactiv on that smooth complexion.

1 comment:

jaydou said...

That is a review worthy of Siskel (rip) and Ebert. Now I need a recording of the HeadThief singing the Heat Miser song...