Longhorn Network Programming Suggestions

During the WTF Media Days, I was very busy. However, I was able to sit down with Mack Brown and DeLoss Dodd's and discuss some programming content for the often rumored Longhorn TV network. I haven't had a chance to post since, but here are some suggestions that they didn't care for that much:

• Failure to Launch: WTF correspondents debate whether the title is a Matthew McCaughnahey film or the title of Greg Davis' playbook.
• Dazed and Confused: 24/7 reality show featuring Vince Young and a playbook.
• A Time to Kill: an inside look on the negotiations that led to the demise of the big 12 as we know it.
• Boys on the Side: the story of Longhorn women's basketball team.
• Fools Gold: the pro basketball prospects of PJ Tucker.
• Austin's dumbest criminals, presented by The Smoking Gun. Follow the hijinks of the Longhorn football team through voluntary workouts.
• Dude, where's my clothes? An epic documentary in search of Edwin Simmons' belongings.
• Great Expectations: interviews with Longhorn gridiron stars who explain what it's like to to be a perpetual favorites to win the conference but only have three conference titles in 14 years.
• Replay, sponsored by Gatorade. Reuniting the Chris Simms-Roy Williams connection to see if they can ever score a TD against the Sooner D.
• NCIS: Austin. Abby joins the Longhorn network with her lab gear. She goes in search of untainted urine samples from Lance Armstrong and Roger Clemens.
• Extreme Makeover. Cosmetic dentists try to remove the coffee stains from Mack Brown's teeth.
• Draft redux. Joint programming with the NFL Network where experts debate which round Longhorn first round draft picks would be selected in hindsight.

Got other ideas? Let's see them in the comments.

And, we're back

Good to be back in blogosphere. We'll start today with an email from a loyal reader who suggested a new name for the Big XII X. We'll be referring to the conference by it's new name, the "We're Texas and Friends" conference. No doubt the media will shorten the moniker to it's acronym, WTF. Suggestions for logos are appreciated. Email 'em to me at landthieves dot gmail dot com. Thanks to Jamie for the suggestion and the laugh.

USC Apologizes to Oklahoma

While USC Athletic Director was busy apologizing to several universities earlier this week, he took some time out to address the 2005 Orange Bowl.

Dear Sooner fans, we’re sorry we kicked you’re ass in Miami a few years back. Our actions that evening were premature and severe. Had we known that a) your football team was going to turn the ball over four times in twelve minutes of action, b) that you would try to cover Steve Smith with Lance Mitchell in goal line situations; c) that our middle linebacker had your playbook memorized, and d) that Mark Bradley would field a bouncing punt in the shadow of his own goal, we would have eased up on your no show butts. We sincerely apologize for the severity of our actions, and now consider this matter closed.

Sincerely,
Mike Garrett*

*actual statements may vary

Preview at College Football Zealots

Earlier this summer I had the pleasure of writing a Sooner preview for the gang at College Football Zealots. Check it out here. Kevin, thanks for letting me participate.

Lebron to Play QB for Longhorns

By Austin/Cleveland insider Chris Mihm

Cleveland (LTP) - In an exclusive interview with someone claiming to be in the inner circle of LeBron James, Landthieves has learned that the sought after free agent will forego his lucrative basketball career to pursue a football career with the Texas Longhorns.


According to the unnamed source, "Lebron saw during the Big 12 shakedown how powerful the Longhorns were. Everyone wants to suck on the ample teats of the Texas Longhorns Football Program. Plus, they have a rich tradition of professional football players. People like Mike Williams, Roy Williams and Ricky Williams. He wants to do for the James surname what those gentleman have done for the Williams surname. This can do nothing but expand LeBron's global brand."


LeBron is looking to expand his reach into football, cycling and movies with this decision. According to multiple sources, representatives from LeBron's circle have already started discussions with Matthew McConaughey's movie production company where LeBron will play the lead role in a biopic of Austin resident Lance Armstrong. Movie insiders believe the film is titled, "One Ball is enough for Me". Filming is to start immediately.


LeBron - who will walk on and play quarterback for the Horns - would miss the voluntary workouts this summer, but many believe he will easily transition from the simple offensive sets of Mike Brown to the simple offensive sets of Greg Davis.

Mack Brown could not be reached for comment, as he was busy preparing for LeBron's arrival in Austin later this week. In other words, he was searching for the ipod that Vince Young gave him.

Resurrection

The Big 12 10 X lives! I found this photo of Dan Beebe violating a temporary restraining order and playing the Eyes of Texas outside William Power Jr.'s house all day Sunday. Fortunately, Billy P Jr couldn't hear him because he was watching the World Cup and those freaking vuvuzelas were drowning out Dan's boom box.

This whole thing is just...awkward. To me, it has the feel of some awkward relationship. Texas said they still loved us, but wanted to see other people. Nebraska and Colorado leaped into the arms of another suitor. Now Texas has seen the error or their ways, has pledged monogamy but still have a roving eye. Dan Beebe is just glad to have his hubby back.

Seriously, how many relationships really survive the "define the relationship" talk the Big XII - II had two weeks ago. We're back together. But I wonder for how long.

And a special shout out to my older daughter, who executed the artwork above.

Little Brother Syndrome

I've seen some items this week discussing whether OU is playing "little brother" to Texas in following them in their conference decision. First of all, OU is a national brand on the level of Nebraska or Texas already. They don't have to follow someone around to be relevant. We were quite relevant for 40 years while not being the same conference, and struggled to win six national championships without benefitting from joint conference affiliation.


Nonetheless, I do believe there are some benefits to joining conferences with Texas.

1) Tradition: OU has played Texas every year since 1929, and 104 times since 1900. To keep the series going, it's best if OU is in the same division of the same conference as Texas. That way we don't have to schedule a perennial top 10 program on a non conference game every year. You'd hate to lose a match with Utah State, or Idaho State, and exchange it for Texas.

2) Exposure: the exposure OU gets in Texas for it's annual series is invaluable. I'm sure some economist could quantify it, but it would be difficult to replace the media coverage in the Dallas Morning News, for example, if OU was not a division for of Texas. During the college football season, there's some note or comment every day. During OU-Texas week, there's a front page article every day. That exposure is a tremendous help in recruiting. As for the all important television, I've watched every game I've wanted to on TV in Dallas for the last several years, either via Fox, Versus or ABC/ESPN. Telling Texas parents they can watch their son play every week is a tremendous help in recruiting.

3) Money: At OU, you must accumulate a certain amount of Sooner points to purchase OU-Texas tickets. You accumulate points by many ways, but the most significant way is money. Being a season ticket holder for 20 years doesn't get me much, but 20 years of tickets plus about $200 gets me in the stadium. Many people donate just to make sure they qualify for OU-Texas tickets. Furthermore, and probably more significantly, some of the more prosperous season ticket holders with actual good seats along the sidelines sell their OU-Texas tickets to pay for their donation to the Sooner club and effectively fund their priority points.