USC Apologizes to Oklahoma

While USC Athletic Director was busy apologizing to several universities earlier this week, he took some time out to address the 2005 Orange Bowl.

Dear Sooner fans, we’re sorry we kicked you’re ass in Miami a few years back. Our actions that evening were premature and severe. Had we known that a) your football team was going to turn the ball over four times in twelve minutes of action, b) that you would try to cover Steve Smith with Lance Mitchell in goal line situations; c) that our middle linebacker had your playbook memorized, and d) that Mark Bradley would field a bouncing punt in the shadow of his own goal, we would have eased up on your no show butts. We sincerely apologize for the severity of our actions, and now consider this matter closed.

Sincerely,
Mike Garrett*

*actual statements may vary