Big 12 Preview - Haiku Style

To my loyal reader(s)? - stumbled across this today. A Big 12 Preview Haiku style. Working on my own preview, will have it coming out in the next few days.

Alcohol

Mammoth Sooner OT Phil Loadholt was arrested last weekend for DUI and violating the state's open container law, according to the internets. Loadholt is 6-8, 351 lbs, per the Sooner web site (which is fraught with inconsistencies - he's 337 on one page, and 351 on another). He was tested with a BAL level of 0.15.

During my exhaustive research for this story, I found a handy blood alcohol calculator. For you out of state folks, Oklahoma's legal limit for alcohol content in beer is 3.2% According to this calculator, 351 lb Phil would have to consume 22 bottles of beer in a two hour period. Short of using a tool like pictured at left, it would be very difficult to consume that much alcohol in such a short period of time. If Phil were drinking Jack Daniels, he would have to drink 17 shots in a 3 hour period.

To contrast, being a 5'10" 210 lb lifelong Baptist, my alcohol consumption abilities are vastly inferior to Mr. Loadholt's. A similar amount and consumption time would leave me with a BAL of 0.27. According to the OU PD site, a .25 BAL level leaves one with 'all mental physical and sensory functions are severely impaired', and 0.30 gives one a level of "STUPOR. You have little comprehension of where you are. You may pass out suddenly and be difficult to awaken." So I would be somewhere between severely impaired and about to pass out. Phil's BAL level of .15 left him merely with gross motor impairment and lack of physical control. Both get you locked up.

One of the amusing elements of this, first read at Orson Swindle's EveryDayShouldbe Saturday.com, is that the OU PD has a blood alcohol level calculator on their website. However, you have to be 240 lbs or less to use the tools, so they are no use whatsoever to most of the football team. I think a petition should be started to modify the OU website, so that it might be a more useful stool to one of the most visible elements of the student body. It's even possible Mr. Loadholt could consider the university as responsible for his actions,being that a reliable calculator was not made available by the university.

For further analysis on this story, we contacted the Landthieves legal analyst, Cedric Benson. However, it's 945 pm on Saturday, and Ced's been out on his boat all day, so let's just leave it at "Mr. Benson was unavailable for comment."

Houston

Today I read where Vince Young has invited his receivers down to Houston to work out with him between the minicamp that ended today and the start of training camp in late July. I really question the logic here. Houston in the summer? So, I searched on it. Citysearch has the Top 10 things to do in Houston this summer. Coming in at #10 is going to the Toyota Center and watching a WNBA game. You've got to be kidding me. Houston is such a great place to live that Art Briles took the Baylor football coaching job. That's like being the running back for the Arizona Cardinals. I think #9 on the list is take a trip out of state. Can't VY invite his receivers someplace nice? Maybe they could take a trip to San Diego?

My search also stumbled across this Texans cheerleader. In response to the "If I could do one thing it would be..." Move my entire family to Houston. I think this girl needs Dr Phil.

Big 12 Champions!

We're in the dog days of blogging now, when there seems to be nothing going on, with the exception of the Fulmer Cup tourney, where Alabama recently blew away the field. Fortunately, the Collegiate Bass Anglers Association is there to save the day.

Seems the Sooners won yet another Big 12 Championship last weekend, this time in the CBAA tournament at Lake Eufaula. For the uninformed out there, Eufaula is the childhood hometown of Sooner greats J.C. Watts, Lucius, Lee Roy and Dewey Selmon, so it's been a good spot for us for 35 years or so now. Pardon me, I digress. Back to the fishing. The Sooners, ranked #6 in the country, took advantage of the 2nd ranked Texas A&M team's absence from the tourney. The Aggies "did not send a team primarily due to sky-rocketing fuel costs". Surely Coach Fran could spare some loose change from his settlement to help the boys out. I spoke to Reveille VII about this, and he was too mad for comment. I'm sure this would not have happened on his watch.

The BassZone also provided coverage of the event. SoonersSports.com failed to mention the event. As noted in the BassZone's excellent coverage by Gene Gilliland, "Baylor and Missouri do not yet have fishing teams...". Seems like this would be an opportunity for those underutilized Baylor QBs to break into the starting lineup.

Initiative

Today's motivational poster comes courtesy of this article.

New Oklahoma Record Set Today

The headline on this article says it all, "Sewage disaster leaves over 700 gallons of human feces in woman's home. This is the largest amount of crap in a home in Oklahoma since a coaches barbecue at Howard Schnellenberger's home in August 1995.

New Developments on Testigate

by LandThieves Legal Analyst Cedric Benson

Brian Thomas, the University of Texas fan that had the distinct experience of "hearing his scrotum tear" has now file a civil complaint against his assailant, Michael Beckett, and seeks over $100,000 in damages. We're going to assume this reader base is literate (by definition, at least) and encourage you to read the article. Following is analysis by yours truly that you won't get anywhere else.

Beckett's mouthpiece, attorney Billy Bock (no relation to Shiner, I checked it out) says, "Every bit of the investigation that's been done supports our side of things." Well la-dee-freaking-da. What did you expect the lawyer to say, "Where would you like the check mailed?". So, no new news on the defendant side.

Here's the most interesting thing in the article, in this legal expert's opinion. Thomas' lawsuit mentions a "possible connection to a local sports rivalry." that's preposterous. The bar he was in, Henry Hudson's, is in Oklahoma City. The University of Oklahoma is in Norman, and Texas University is in Austin. According to dictionary.com, the definition of local is, "pertaining to a city, town or small district" rather than an entire state or country. The Red River Rivalry is not a local rivalry. This dude's geographical understanding is deplorable, and this false statement will likely lead to the entire case being thrown out.

Finally, how do you place a dollar value on the trauma from having your scrotum torn? I'm no economics major or anything, but $50k each for the family jewels just doesn't seem like enough. I can't think of any jewels more priceless than my own.