Courtesy Coverage of TCU Athletics

The DMN does a better job of covering LandThief sports than the TCU Horned Frogs. And why wouldn't they? With a tip of the hat to my purple friends, here is some coverage of TCU sports. Frog coverage even seems to be sliding in the Startlegram, as it is listed under "colleges", like there's not one in the city.

High Times Magazine Picks JD Weed as POY

by Joe Huff, College Football Insider
High Times magazine announced yesterday they have selected Baylor QB John David Weed as their preseason College Football Player of the Year. Curiously, in this inauguaral year for High Times Magazine to cover college football, no other preseason picks were made.

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for JDW, as the sleuths at BearMeat identified the WacoTrib article that Blake Szymanski and Mike Machen are getting a "majority of the snaps". (Editor comment: I would provide a link to the story out of respect to the Waco Trib, but the @#$!#$ thing won't work.) As a result, Weed referred all interview requests to the firm handling his Heisman campaign. Spicoli and Holieway were unavailable for comment.

Charlie Weis Receives Message from God

Yesterday, ND Football Coach Charlie Weis asked God to "strike me dead" if he mentioned the word "rebuilding". In a LandThief exclusive, we found an unnamed source who claims God has answered back and has indicated the Creator (and we're not talking Andre Wiley here) will strike Charlie dead if he mentions any of the following phrases:

• "Yes, I would like to Biggie size my combo meal"
• "No thanks, I don't care for a salad."
• "Mark Mangino looks fat in that outfit."
• "Brady, forget football, I think you should be a singer."
• "Do these pants make me look skinny?"

Provide other lethal comments for Charlie below, if you wish.

In Other Related Topics...

In 2001, Gary Barnett led the Colorado Buffaloes to the Big 12 Championship with the motto "Return to Dominance". After two arrests and three suspensions last week, it appears Dan Hawkins motto for the season may be "Return to Cell block H".


Notre Dame DL Derrell Hand was arrested last week for soliciting an undercover police officer posed as a prostitute. There are tons of jokes that I'll leave off (for now) regarding a Catholic school kid named Hand soliciting a lady of the evening. The most disturbing news for the Irish may be the quote from the story, "A junior from Philadelphia, Hand was expected to compete for a starting spot or to be a key reserve at defensive end, even though he had not seen action during his first two seasons at ND." In today's world of rotating D-Lineman, combined with the "Defense on Roller Skates" exhibited last year by the FishEaters, the fact that Hand couldn't get on the field the previous two years does not bode well for Charlie Weis' squad in 2007.


Finally, I read in the Norman Transcript yesterday that the Sooners continue to shuffle DB's around, with Lendy Holmes moving to safety. Venables moved DJ Wolfe their last year. The constant rotation of DBs to different positions makes this quasi reporter nervous. Seems to me the more we move Reggie, DJ, Lewis Baker and Lendy around, the better the likelihood of them thinking their in one position when they really are in another, a la Baylor in 2005 and Oregon in 2006. Which may allow Adarius Bowman to get open with just his good eye.

Rest In Peace, Mr. Austin

I'm taking time out from normal stuff to pay my respects to Mr. Jimmie Austin, who was instrumental in me having a better than decent place to play golf as a teen and contributed in immeasurable ways to my hometown and later to my alma mater. Mr. Austin passed away last week, and this obituary says it better than I can here. Mr. Austin, may peace be with you.

Austin Announces Longhorn Trading Cards

by LandThief Press Austin Correspondent Edwin Simmons

Austin, TX (LTP) - Art Acevado, newly crowned Chief of Police for the City of Austin, is planning to announce the issuance of the first ever Texas Longhorn Trading Cards. In a LandThief Press exclusive, we've obtained an example of one of the trading cards as well as the press release.


"The trading cards are an innovative way to connect with the youth in the Austin area. This is a unique program that we've launched, as not only do the cards have the players picture, height and weight, the UTPD has also assisted us in publishing the license plate numbers and finger prints for each of the Longorns. In this way, not only are we able to reach out to the city's youth, but we may also turn up some additional leads in some unsolved cases where we've exhausted all leads."


"Police officers and detectives will have the cards beginning August 15th, and will be distributing them over the next several weeks throughout the city. "


A copy of My Little Pony's card is shown below, prior to the finger prints being printed, as the cards have not been completed.

Longhorn Players Must "Earn the Right"

By LandThief Press Austin Correspondent Edwin Simmons
Austin, TX (LTP) - In announcing suspensions for Henry Melton and Sergio Kindle for their DWI transgressions, UT FB coach Mack Brown said, "Most of our issues have been with younger players who were not on the national championship team. That's why our slogan for the year is going to be 'Earn The Right.'"

As a quick refresher, several of the Longhorns have already learned the following rights.

• The right to remain silent
• The right to due process
• The right to a speedy trial
• The right to consult an attorney
• The right to an attorney if you cannot afford one
• The right to a jury of peers