Alcohol

Mammoth Sooner OT Phil Loadholt was arrested last weekend for DUI and violating the state's open container law, according to the internets. Loadholt is 6-8, 351 lbs, per the Sooner web site (which is fraught with inconsistencies - he's 337 on one page, and 351 on another). He was tested with a BAL level of 0.15.

During my exhaustive research for this story, I found a handy blood alcohol calculator. For you out of state folks, Oklahoma's legal limit for alcohol content in beer is 3.2% According to this calculator, 351 lb Phil would have to consume 22 bottles of beer in a two hour period. Short of using a tool like pictured at left, it would be very difficult to consume that much alcohol in such a short period of time. If Phil were drinking Jack Daniels, he would have to drink 17 shots in a 3 hour period.

To contrast, being a 5'10" 210 lb lifelong Baptist, my alcohol consumption abilities are vastly inferior to Mr. Loadholt's. A similar amount and consumption time would leave me with a BAL of 0.27. According to the OU PD site, a .25 BAL level leaves one with 'all mental physical and sensory functions are severely impaired', and 0.30 gives one a level of "STUPOR. You have little comprehension of where you are. You may pass out suddenly and be difficult to awaken." So I would be somewhere between severely impaired and about to pass out. Phil's BAL level of .15 left him merely with gross motor impairment and lack of physical control. Both get you locked up.

One of the amusing elements of this, first read at Orson Swindle's EveryDayShouldbe Saturday.com, is that the OU PD has a blood alcohol level calculator on their website. However, you have to be 240 lbs or less to use the tools, so they are no use whatsoever to most of the football team. I think a petition should be started to modify the OU website, so that it might be a more useful stool to one of the most visible elements of the student body. It's even possible Mr. Loadholt could consider the university as responsible for his actions,being that a reliable calculator was not made available by the university.

For further analysis on this story, we contacted the Landthieves legal analyst, Cedric Benson. However, it's 945 pm on Saturday, and Ced's been out on his boat all day, so let's just leave it at "Mr. Benson was unavailable for comment."