Spend the Day with a Hooker and some Weed

While you might think this is a salacious statement, it's also completely possible on Nov 17, when the Baylor Bears women's volleyball team hosts the Lady Longhorns volleyball team, which is led by Destinee Hooker. On that same day, the John David Weed led Baylor Bears will host the Boone State Cowboys at Floyd Casey Stadium. I don't care if he's playing or not, with the dazed and confused look the Air Bear attack is looking, my theory is they are led by Weed.

The Baylor marketing department really needs to do something around this day. The possibilities are limitless, if you complete disregard the Baptist affiliation and all.

High Times Magazine Picks JD Weed as POY

by Joe Huff, College Football Insider
High Times magazine announced yesterday they have selected Baylor QB John David Weed as their preseason College Football Player of the Year. Curiously, in this inauguaral year for High Times Magazine to cover college football, no other preseason picks were made.

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for JDW, as the sleuths at BearMeat identified the WacoTrib article that Blake Szymanski and Mike Machen are getting a "majority of the snaps". (Editor comment: I would provide a link to the story out of respect to the Waco Trib, but the @#$!#$ thing won't work.) As a result, Weed referred all interview requests to the firm handling his Heisman campaign. Spicoli and Holieway were unavailable for comment.

Baylor U Plants Seeds for "Weed for Heisman" Campaign

By HeadThief, LandThief Press Editor-in-Charge

A trip to the McIntosh County Courthouse yielded an impromptu interview with former Oklahoma Univeristy gridiron star Jamelle Holieway. Holieway revealed that he has principal ownership in the sports marketing firm Do You Know Me, Inc., and that Baylor University Athletic Department has engaged DYKMI to launch an aggressive marketing campaign toking - I mean toting - John David Weed as a dark horse Heisman candidate. Mr. Holieway, presently limited to one phone call a day in his present accommodations, has leveraged the entire campaign to a newcomer on his staff, Jeff Spicoli. Spicoli was a classmate of Mr. Holieway's at Ridgemont High in the early 1980s. Mr. Spicoli was unable to break from his busy schedule to sit down for a chat, but we were able to convince him to pose for the photo above.

Baylor has been reluctant to fund Heisman marketing campaigns in the past as a result of an ill advised campaign 39 years ago. Baylor football is still recovering from the remmants of that 1968 Heisman marketing campaign when BU touted the prospects of RB Pinkie Palmer. While Mr. Palmer, a senior, led the Bears in rushing and total yard, he was unable to unseat Orenthal James Simpson in Heisman voting that year. Mr. Simpson tallied 2,853 points that year, to Pinkie's zero.

It is this reporter's opinion that Mr. Spicoli should start a grass roots campaign on behalf of Mr. Weed, and hope the campaign grows from there.

Baylor Announces Starting QB

While stuck in construction traffic on I-35 between Waco and San Antonio on his way back from the Big 12 Media Days, Guy Morris sat on the shoulder with our own Joe Huff and revealed a change of heart in his starting QB situation.

LT: Coach Morris, I appreciate the opportunity to get the inside scoop. Who’s your QB? Is it Juco transfer John David Weed? Or former Kent State Flash Michael Machen?
GM: Well, I’ve decided to go try Weed.

LT: Can you elaborate on your decision making process? We expected you to wait through two a days before you and your staff made a decision.
GM: First of all, he’s a good kid from a great family. His father, Zig and mother, Mary Jane, are outstanding. He’s just the best of both of them…like two people rolled into one.

LT: With all due respect, Coach, you’re losing focus. Could you answer the question? Can you tell me about your decision making process?
GM: Dude, he’s just some awesome. When Weed’s in the locker room, his presence just permeates the entire team. Everyone seems to settle down when they know Weed is around. Are those brownies? Mind if I have one?

LT: Leave my tape recorder alone. What about on the field? Does he have a stronger arm? Better decision making? Quicker feet?
GM: Man, I am so hungry right now - sorry, it’s really just an overall offensive feel. When we go with Weed, the offense just seems to be so much more creative, and it just flows, man. He’s adjusted to the pace of the game at this level, and the game really seems to slow down for him. He’s just awesome.

LT: Will you continue to get the other QBs reps in the system?
GM: You bet, if there’s one thing we all know about Weed, you don’t want to burn him out.

LT: I’ve heard that Weed was injury prone at the Junior College level. Can you elaborate on that? Does it cause you any concern going into the 2007 season.
GM: Joe, we did extensive probing in this area during the off-season. What we found that he was susceptible to muscle injuries, but his joints are fine.

LT: The offensive line was not a strong point for the Bears last year. Is that a concern this year? How do you feel about that unit going into the season.
GM: I’ve got to be honest with you, Jim -
LT: It’s Joe.
GM: Sorry, John. I have to confess the O-Line is a concern. QBs can wear down over the course of the season, and I would expect that Weed could lose his effectiveness after people start taking hits on him.

LT: Coach Morris, I’m out of time, and puns. Thanks for your time, and best of luck this season.
GM: Sure, dude. Hey are you done with those Cheetos?