Breaking Down the Offensive Coordinator Candidates

While the missus has her gall gladder removed, I thought I would distract myself by breaking down the likely candidates for replacing Kevin Wilson as offensive coordinator.

Josh Heupel
Pros: a) has been a miracle worker with Paul Thompson, Sam Bradford and Landry Jones. Thompson went from WR to QB of Big 12 champion in four months. During Thompson's senior year (2006), panic across Sooner nation prevailed. The "QB for 2007 is not on campus yet" many pundits said. Bradford won a three way competition and set NCAA records for freshmen performance in 07. As for Landry Jones, watch the 2009 Bugeater contest and the 2010 Big 12 championship. Tell me if you think he's improved. b) According to Internet legend, Heupel audibled out of most of Mangino's play calling in the 2000 championship season anyway. c) Married to daughter of university president David Boren.
Cons: a) does not have intimate photos of Stoops and farm animals in Manhattan, Kansas or Iowa City, Iowa; b) never been an offensive coordinator.

Jay Norvell
Pros: a) played at Iowa when the Head Visor was a graduate assistant; b) served as grad assistant at Iowa while Stoops was volunteer coach; c) served as Offensive Coordinator at UCLA in 2007; d) found Stoops in a compromising position with corn husks while in Ames, Iowa
Cons: a) served as Offensive Coordinator at UCLA in 2007; b) first Sooner position coach to receive a penalty since Scott Hill's arrest for possession with intent to distribute; c) learned offensive philosophy at the foot of Bill Callahan; d) makes Shawn Watson look like an offensive guru

Mark Mangino
Pros: a) served as Offensive Coordinator at OU in 2000-02; b) flexible jaw structure, like a snake; c) immediately available; d) found Stoops naked in a horse barn in western Kansas on a recruiting trip.
Cons: a) Heupel audibled out of his play calling anyway; b) transformed Nate Hybl from backup to Quincy Carter into backup for Jason White; c) alleged to have eaten players in Lawrence, Kansas; d) set record low score in Dale Carnegie course.

Mike Leach
Pros a) responsible for bringing Heupel to Norman; b) innovative play caller is rarely challenged by xbox football authorities.
Cons a) litigious nature increases errors and omissions insurance for university; b) does not play well with the mouse eared network; c) demonstrates little to no concept of clock management skills when nursing a lead; d) carries his own sword

Greg Davis
Pros: a) innovator of the renowned offensive philosophy "Y'all block for Vince, then get out of the way" that catapulted Mack Brown from perennial bridesmaid to national champion; b) advised Mack Brown against teeth whitening procedure; c) innovative game planning allowed Colt McCoy to lead team in rushing for three consecutive years
Cons: a) mistook Chris Simms for effective college QB; b) development of Garrett Gilbert allowed the G spot to challenge the university record for most interceptions in a season, presently held by Todd Dodge