New Compliance Efforts Announced

The Associated Press found that the Sooners have made several adjustments to compliance practices in response to "the Troubles" of 2005. Most notably, the Sooners have limited employers to only employing 5 Sooners at once. After obtaining additional infromation via the None of Your Damn Business Act, LandThieves identified the other restricitons put in place by the Sooners;

1. Only one player can distribute drugs at any given time. This will mitigate recurrence of an unfortunate instance from 1989 when Charles Thompson was arrested for selling cocaine and many people were surprised it wasn't Jamelle Holieway.
2. Automobile dealerships are limited to providing U.S. built automobiles to athletes.
3. Players may only accept exempt positions, elimating that pesky "reporting of hours" problem.
4. Employers are required pay employee-athletes in small, unmarked bills.
5. The company responsible for maintaining the artificial turf at Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium has been relieved of it's duties.
6. The contract for mowing the infield grass at Marita Hynes Field has been terminated.

The Sooners believe these measures will keep the NCAA at bay for a while.