Another Startling Revelation about Roger Clemens

Clemens fans around the world were shocked twice today. First, news hit the mainstream media that Clemens may have had a relationship with Country and Western artist Mindy McCready for a 10 year period, starting when Ms. McReady was 15.

We here at LandThieves found another startling tidbit of information as we scoured the internets today. Scouring SI Vault, we established that Edwin Simmons was caught in the early morning hours of Sept 27 at a home in West Austin. According to baseball-referencecom, Clemens pitched in a nine-inning loss to the Blue Jays on Sep 26.

In a LandThieves exclusive*, Simmons now recalls the REST OF THE STORY..."Roger and I met in the fall of 1982 on a recruiting trip. He was on the baseball team and was BMOC. I'll never forget meeting him. He was wearing a .38 Special "Wild Eyed Southern Boys" 3/4 length sleeve concert t-shirt and a pair of baby blue Ocean Pacific shorts. He was so handsome. It was an instant connection. He was supposed to give me a tour of the athletic dormitory, but he took me to places that night I'd never been before."

"On that fateful night in Sep 1986, Roger called me from the locker room in Toronto. He was so distraught. He'd lost for the first time in a month. The Sox gave him no run support that night. We arranged to rendezvous in West Austin. I was so excited, and my head still hurt from all that learnin' I'd done over the summer, and I just smoked a little weed to relax. Next thing you know, I'm lost on the west side of Austin and can't remember where Roger and I were supposed to hook up. I guess I picked the wrong one.

"Everyone made such a big deal about me being stoned and naked trying to break into someone's home. I just couldn't betray Roger's trust and tell the whole story then. He was on such a roll professionally. This secret has been burning inside of me ever since. Now that Roger's personal and professional reputation is pretty much screwed at this point, I figure telling my side of the story won't hurt anymore. I feel so free."

When asked about the story by this reporter, Clemens denied the story. "That's preposterous. I didn't like that album. Musically, I thought the band peaked on 'Rockin into the Night'."

*exclusively made up.